Darcy Andries's Blog

Posted by Darcy Andries

One of the hardest tasks for anybody with ADHD is to maintain focus. You may have noticed a slight slump in my activities here at Suite101 lately. As with any ADHDer I was out of the starting gate with a flash. After a few weeks, my enthusiasm and energy towards the task started to decline. To use my racing horse metaphor: I sort of stopped to eat the grass and forgot I was in the middle of a race.

This is probably the most difficult obsticle for any ADHDer to overcome. I still struggle with it. Any task where I'm not extremely motivated and there is no great reward is difficult.

And we avoid difficult tasks.

If we don't avoid them, we start reducing them. Instead of doing the excess, we do the minimum. Then, slowly, we start doing less then that. If no one jumps on our case, we try getting away with doing less than that. Eventually, we get in trouble and our motivation picks up again. However, motivation reduces even quicker this time and we're back to our old habits.

I see it all the time in ADHD students. They start out the year great, then start to do worse and worse. Report cards come out and they do a little bit better. But soon they are back to doing poorly again.

I wish I could say that I have some wisdom on how to fix this. All I can say is that it is one of the burdens that comes with being blessed enough to have ADHD. Also, sometimes knowing and understanding it helps overcome it. Or at least, it helps you understand.

Right now, I know I need to find some way to motivate myself to complete my duties for Suite 101. I might set up a set time where I complete them. I might reward myself with a special treat: such as breakfast at Dunkin Doughnuts. Sure, I could do this anyway, but it's more enjoyable if I know I earned it. Doing these things help me get the tasks done that I have to do. Once they are done, I spend more time enjoying the things I want to do.

Which I am off to do.

Best regards,

Darcy

Posted by Darcy Andries

It's been four years since I stopped coaching. I worked at it for a year before I realized that I was only halfway good at it. While I feel I was good at teaching effective ADHD management, I wasn't good at the business aspects of it.

Truthfully, I am a very blunt person. A trait that's common in people with ADHD but not one is good when trying to run a business.

That's something that we often forget: you be good at something but if you don't have all the necessary skills to do the job, you'll never make it very far.

Finding the perfect job when you have ADHD can be difficult and takes some trial and error, not to mention hard work. That's part of why having an ADHD coach can be nice. These people have the education and the experience to work with people with ADHD PLUS they want to help you work through your struggles and become successful.

Plus, it's nice to have someone who understands for a change and doesn't condemn. We all need someone like that in our lives. For more on ADHD Coaching, check out the Introduction to ADHD Coaching.

Best Wishes,

Darcy Andries

Posted by Darcy Andries

Steve Irwin was never officially diagnosed with ADHD, but he certainly had enough of the qualities to make him an honorary member. His enthusiasm and energy was unsurpassed and he will missed.

Any time someone dies young it should make you draw together your loved ones and spend a few more precious moments than you might normally.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, even our tragedies. It's hard to see any good coming of Steve's death, but I feel he has been quite a role model. His life is a testament to the power a person with (or potentially with) ADHD can have over entire nations when they combine mind and passion.

There are times in every ADHD person's life that they feel they cannot and will not ever do anything right. When you feel that way, think of it as a sign that it wasn't meant to be and focus on finding what needs to be.

Steve Irwin might have lived longer, but wouldn't have lasted very long, behind a desk. He was found what he loved and was good at and any negatives in his personality seemed to pale in comparison to his positives. Sure, he had a few impulsive moments that got him in trouble. But doesn't everyone?

I know I do. That's why I took the time to write down and post a few of the positive aspects of ADHD. Sometimes we all need a little cheering up.

Rest in Peace, Steve. I hope I manage to touch one person's life the way you've touched so many.

Darcy Andries.

Posted by Darcy Andries

Do you "suffer" from ADHD? Or does your family?

I was filling out a health questionnaire today and one of the questions asked: "Do you or someone in your household suffer from ADD/ADHD?"

That irked me. Because, no, I don't suffer from it. I have been diagnosed from it, but I don't SUFFER from it.

To suffer means "to undergo, be subjected to, or endure (pain, distress, injury, loss, or anything unpleasant." I don't feel that being ADHD is bad or even a negative. I work very hard to fall back and use that terminology when referring to ADHD.

Some people have ADHD; some people suffer from ADHD. But not everybody who suffers from ADHD has it.

I was once working with a man and his daughter who were both diagnosed with ADHD. He kept talking about how she suffered and he suffered and using the ADHD as an excuse.

Finally, I said to him, "You don't suffer from ADHD. If any one suffers from it, your wife does. You're dealing with the problems it causes-she is. You're using your diagnosis as a excuse not to the things you don't want to do or find difficult. And you're teaching your daughter to do the same."

I'll admit that the man was not quite ready to hear this, but his wife gave me a standing ovation. He came to me because he was looking for someone to tell him it was all right to be unorganized, impulsive and to not follow through on things. He thought that since I was ADHD, I would understand. I did. I just didn't agree.

Yes, there are drawbacks to having ADHD, but there are advantages, too. After all, another word for impulsive is spontaneous? And another word for hyperactive is energetic?

I believe ADHD is a gift. The analogy I frequently use is like getting a puppy. It can be fun and exciting, but it requires work. And if you work hard enough eventually you can minimize the problems. The don't go away, but they do lessen enough that you can start to enjoy being ADHD.

I do.

Best wishes,

Darcy Andries

Posted by Darcy Andries

One question I get asked by parents is how to deal with a troublesome teacher that doesn't seem to want to listen to the suggestions on how to deal with their child. This is quite a dilemma and ends up being a battle of the experts.

On one side you have the parents who are experts on their child and really feel they know what is best.

On the other side you have the teacher who is an expert on their classroom and really feel that they know what is best.

Who's right? Unfortunately, neither side is usually right. Parents generally don't understand the limitations and frustrations that come with teaching. While teachers tend to get stuck in "their way" of doing things and have a hard time adapting to some students. After all, "their way" works for majority of the students, why should they have to change for just one?

So what do you do?

Sadly, there is no one answer for this question. A lot has to do with the teacher and the parents. But the main thing is to communicate-nicely, politely and quickly. Parents, please remember that teachers have a very limited time to talk and say things as quickly as possible. And teachers, please remember that just because you think a parent doesn't understand, that doesn't make them wrong.

Best of Wishes,

Darcy Andries