Loss & Grief in a RAD Child

Posted by Crystal Killion Jul 26, 2008

Recently Sarah, a friend of mine, lost her mother unexpectedly to a heart attack. That same week her 14 year old adopted son, Jason, lost a new friend, one that he had barely known two months, to a move to another city. Jason also lost a grandmother (Sarah’s mom); however, he never acknowledge the loss of his adoptive grandmother, but raged with grief and anger over losing the friend whom he barely knew.

This is the sometimes strange, yet all-to-common face of Reactive Attachment Disorder. RAD kids will appear to bond quite easily with others they hardly know, yet be unable to form attachments to the very people who love and care for them on a daily basis.

Jason raged for nearly two weeks. Some might say that he was really grieving the loss of his grandmother, it just appears that it is due to the loss of his short-term friend. I thought this too. However, Jason’s newfound friend moved four days before his grandmother died, and Sarah was in the midst of coping with his raging when she learned of her mother’s death. My dear friend really suffered on two fronts for a few weeks. In fact, her entire family suffered, and this wasn’t the first time they had to cope with Jason’s rage.

Before you adopt, know what you’re getting into. Yes, there are thousands of children who desperately need homes, but a child with RAD can destroy a home. Educate yourself before jumping into the world of adoption.

A fellow writer here on Suite has written some excellent articles about attachment and adoption:

Attachment Disorders and Adopted Children

Attachment and Bonding in Adoption

Before adopting:

The Emotional Aspect of Adopting