Joy and Sadness

Posted by Brenda Lane Nov 7, 2006

Whenever I tell people that I work with expectant couples as a childbirth educator and a doula, they always say just about the same thing, "Wow - what an incredible job! Babies are so much fun. It must be great working with people when they are feeling so much happiness."

Sometimes what I would like to say, but rarely do, is that pregnancy and birth do not always bring about joy and happiness. Sometimes there is disappointment. Sometimes sadness. And other times, raw grief. It almost seems that as intense as our emotions are when we have a baby or learn we are expecting a baby, those same intense emotions occur when women experience a loss as well.

Given that anywhere from 10-25% of women will experience a miscarriage, I decided to talk about some of those concerns that come up in my latest article Signs of Miscarriage. I have had several women (mostly former doula clients) call me when they suspected they were having a miscarriage. Having a close friend or relative to talk to can make a big difference when you are trying to figure out what to do.

I have had several events in my life that have brought on intense, raw grief. My most recent loss was saying good-bye to my daughter who is attending college almost 10 hours away. One thing I have recognized is the value in letting go of those emotions. Occasionally letting out the floodgates of tears helped me begin to heal. It is never easy at the time, but there is a value in the grief process. And it never fails to surprise me how easily events or memories can trigger those same emotions.

Please feel to share any experiences in our discussion forum that you may have had with pregnancy loss or other loss.

Brenda