Counselling/Therapy
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Facing Changes In Your Life
This week we look at some tips for coping with changes in your life. In addition to giving tips, we look at some books by noted authors on the subject of change.
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HOW NICE ARE YOU? (or therapy through rose colored glasses)
As therapists, we must be careful of believing too much in our clients. We need to be realistic too.
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Uprooted!
It is often hard to move, and here are some of the reasons why. Try to understand them, and you will find you understand yourself and your emotions better. Then you will find you adjust better!
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UPROOTED
What to look out for when you are uprooted, and moving to a totally new place.
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Treating Suicidal Clients
Suicide needs to be treated as any other illness - get to the cause of the problem. Suicide needs to be treated as any other illness - get to the cause of the problem.
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WHO IS THE CULPRIT? -
Help a sexually abused person to start facing normality again. Help them to see it was not their fault, help them with their nightmares, and help them to realise they have needs and are allowed to expect them to be me.
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Born to be fat? - part 2
When behavior is actually measured, it can counter the lies we tell ourselves. Counselors are not dieticians, but they can help a client to see how they are kidding themselves when it comes to overeating. This is the second in a two part article.
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Born or made to be fat?
So often, the presenting problem is merely a symptom of a deeper underlying cause. If your client has trouble losing weight, what could these issues be?
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Why A Therapist?
I have been in practice now for almost fifteen years, and in that time, one of the questions which has nagged me the longest is why people need a psychologist.
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My Husband Wants A Divorce!
What is your job, when a woman walks into your office one day, telling you that her husband came home the previous day. He just said, "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce"?
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YOU'RE NEVER TOO EXPERIENCED TO LEARN
Therapists can never an ivory tower if they are to be effective. The client needs to feel understood an empowered. an analagy to a winning (company) volleyball team tries to highlight the importance of this.
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Emotional IQ and anger control
Drawn largely fromt he book "Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, I discuss ways in which one might try to better control anger. However this is a short article - and the book is well worth reading!
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Coloring our perceptions,Coloring our perceptions
Using questions to find out more about the client - not to "get him to see things your way"
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CONNECTING WITH YOUR CLIENT
Empathy is more than thinking you know where the client is coming from - it is trying to understand him or her. There is a difference.
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HOW DOES YOUR CLIENT EXPERIENCE YOU?,HOW DOES YOUR CLIENT EXPERIENCE YOU?
It is important to know - or at least try to understand how your client experiences you. Here are a few ways to go about this.
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TERRIBLE TWO'S
Two year old's are difficult - but perhaps only because we are judging them from an adult perspective. Climb into their minds, and reduce your stress!
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MOVING?
Moving can be a tough affair - but the way we look at it can determine whether we are happy in our new home or not - it all hangs on our own attitudes
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COULD YOU BE THE PROBLEM?
Those around us react to the signals we send out. Sometimes, we are victimised because we ask for it - so, if no-one likes you, perhaps you should change the way you behave towards people
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IT'S NOT WHAT YOU DO, BUT THE WAY THAT YOU DO IT
Sometimes disagreements are on a non-verbal level, and you cannot fathom why the person is being so disagreeable. Learn to watch for the "process" clues.
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LETTING YOUR PARTNER DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILD
Your child will only be secure if she / he is correcrtly disciplined. The child needs rules and lots of love. Without these, he / she will never feel as if he / she belongs to the new family unit.
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Dating Again
So many single parents put their child's happiness first - and put themselves second. This can lead to a life of unhappiness for your child - do you really want to do that to them
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Who, Exactly, Is the Expert?
Discussion about who exactly the expert inta therapy situation is. Is it you. who has studied for years, and seen many clients, or is it the client who knows his problem far, far better than you do.
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TEACHING CHILDREN TO MAKE CHOICES
A discussion on helping children to have a voice - appropriate to their station.
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Love isn't love until you give it away
I believe that you cannot be loved unles s you love, and that material riches are also linked to sharing. Here are some thoughts on the matter.
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TIME WAITS FOR NO MAN
Time can be controlled - activities fit the time you allow for them. You can have time for other things if you don't think you have to work all the time. Set out your priorities, and work accordingly.
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DO COUNSELLORS GIVE ADVICE?
Counsellors have always been told never to offer advice, but most do. Perhaps, instead of restricting them, we should help them to offer it in an acceptable manner.
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BALANCE,BALANCE
Our problems manifest in a number of ways - including physical stiffness. Sometimes, if we learn to balance our bodies, we can also learn to free our words. ,Our problems manifest in a number of ways - including physical stiffness. Sometimes, if we learn to balance our bodies, we can also learn to free our words.
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RESPECT, RESPECT, RESPECT
Therapy is all about respect. We need to stop this conspiracy of mystery, and allow clients to become more involved in their own healing processes.
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KEEP YOUR OPINIONS OUT OF THERAPY
We are all told, as counselors, therapists or helpers, that we must keep our opinions out of therapy. It is so easy to fall into the trap of offering advice, though, and not easy to work with soemone we disagree with. But - IT IS IMPORTANT!
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Back to fundamentals
When doing therapy, we need to learn to listen to our basic messages - those our body conveys to us. Do we feel uncomfortable? What instincts are aroused? Be in touch with your body and become a better therapist!
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aggression and little ones
Your aggressive toddler still has so much to learn - help him learn the right way to behave by being a good role model. Learn to cope with stress and frustration in your life by taking control - what better teacher could this be for your child?
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MAKE A CHOICE - AGGRESSION OR HAPPINESS!
A short description of ways to act so that aggression does not rule your life. There are choices - and aggression is not always the choice you need to make!
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THE BENEFITS OF CONTROLLING AGGRESSION
The first in a three part series. Here I give references of two excellent articles on the subject, as well as good reason for "keeping your cool".
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THE BENEFITS OF CONTROLLING AGGRESSION
The first in a three part series. In this article, I mention a couple of excellent articles to be found on the subject, as well as good reasons for "keeping cool".
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MOTHERS WHO STRESS
I think all mothers stress. Sometimes, though, it helps to know that we are not alone in our frustration, and also, a few theories on why one would freak out can also do no harm.
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Who is teaching who?
Some thoughts on parenthood - my account of how life can be so different when looking at it from outside ... and when you are actually in the fishbowl (or parenthood bowl!)
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THE RIGHT ATTITUDE – A FUNDAMENTAL PILLAR OF AGEING
A look at how attitude can make the difference - specifically for those in twilight years.
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MY BABY HAD MENINGITIS
A personal account of when our second child was struck with meningitis at eight weeks old. We were lucky.
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SOME THOUGHTS ON AGGRESSION
I seem to be getting better at coping with my aggression - perhaps you can too! I also include a few sites which deal specifically with aggression - that dreadful monster which creeps up on us, and leaves us at a disadvantage.
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DEALING WITH CHILDHOOD STEALING STEP-BY-STEP:
This article looks at the narrative approach to dealing with childhood stealing - based on work by David Epston and Fred Seymour.
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Back to Basics
A short discussion on starting simple when dealing with clients - ala Maslow. Find out what your client's fundamental needs are - perhaps that is as far as you need to go!
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ONE UPMANSHIP OF THE PSYCHOLOGIST
Should a psychologist know all the answers? Can you help if you have not experienced what your client has? I believe it all depends on the way you treat your client as to whether you can be of use to them or not. Read the article to find out more.
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Some Own Opinions on Narrative Therapy
Narrative therapy is a different way of doing therapy, according to me. This article explains why.
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The Judo Trick
We all feel frustrated when others don't really listen. Here is one reason why, and ideas on how to get the most out of people you come into contact with everyday, as well as to get your clients to feel more comfortable with you.
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't
A short article outlining some pitfalls we make when we think we have sent a message, but wonder why our needs are not met. By not ensuring that our message is concise and clear, we can make our lives difficult and confuse those around us.
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Working with people from other cultures
When we work with people from other cultures, we need to forget our own judgements and prejudices if we are to be of help in any way. this article takes most information from a paper by Margaret Henning who works in an Afrian hospital in Zimbabwe.
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ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO STAY LITTLE
MOther's, don't force your children to grow up too fast. Allow them to still need you, and read the signals they send you. they still need to be children, and small as much as they say they want to be big.
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CORPORAL PUNISHMENT
A short essay on a mother's attempt at using the wooden spoon to discipline her children. This article is just for fun.
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TEACH A MAN TO FISH
A story to illustrate the value of "teaching a man to fish" as opposed to feeding him for the rest of his life.
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Externalizing Problems
A short look at the importance of externalizing problems as a way of helping people to find different ways of looking at their lives. This is based on Michael White's work.
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CHANGING OUR LIFE STORY
Narrative therapy - my understanding of what it is. It is based on Michael White's work - he believes that sometimers we need to re-author our stories to see our lives differently.
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Counseling Mothers (2)
Often, on order to better understand your client's it is a wortwhile exercise to participate in a role play - with other lay counselors. Such a process can help you to gain more confidence with respect to dealing with two in stead of one person in the room with you (I mean the mother and her child). However, never forget the confidentiality aspect of your work, and make sure that your role-playing cannot harm your client in any way.
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Counseling Mothers
Counseling mothers is actually a process of empowering mothers to believe in themselves. The first toward doing this is to help a mother define her belief system and values.
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There is no such thing as a perfect mother
When counseling mothers, it is important to give the mother lee-way to be herself. So much is written on what is good for the children - but much of this research forgets the fundamental truth - no mother and child couple will ever be alike, and each works in its uniquely special way.
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INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
This is the last in this series on communication.This article discusses common pitfalls people fall into, thus resulting in poor communication - and ways to sharpen up one's act. This article is general, and not specifically marriage related, however, it is aimed at the counsellor who needs to help clients improve their communication skills.
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More on Communication
In my last article we looked at ways to include communication in the marriage - but before going into details like this, it is worth knowing something about how communication works (or doesn't work!) This article has a look at some of the ways we sabotage our own messages
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COMMUNICATION IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Some notes on what communication is and how communication can be improved in the context of marriage
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SOME USEFUL HOMEWORK EXERCISES WITH COUPLE PROBLEMS
Useful tools couples can use to try to improve communication
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Eating Out - A Continuation of the Couple Counseling Theme
The surprise dinner - a metaphor for problems the couple is having. Use this as a tool to help you as the counselor.
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Relationship Double Binds
In this article I look at ways in partners subconsciously sabotage themselves in relationships, and how the counselor can help them not to continue in this exercise.
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Circular Questioning
This article looks at circular questioning, and the many different ways in which this technique can be used in couple counseling.
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Couple Counseling
In this article I first listed a number of sites dealing with marriage issues, and then begun with ways in which to counsel people successfully. This is the first in a series of such articles - the next will deal with circular questioning and ways to include partners who do not want to be included.
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Christmas - a time to reasses
Happiness involves letting go of your guilt, and forgiving yourself.
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The Use of Metaphor
This article offers a useful story one can use as a metaphor for clients undergoing change in their lives. There are a number of links to other sites which use metaphor for healing.
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Both...And
We need to learn to accept people the way they are ...instead of constantly being disappointed by their behavior. Situations do not not always have to involve choices - sometimes both needs can be addressed.
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Color Energy
Different colours effect us in different ways. This article offers a few generalizations as to what to expect from some of the colors, as well as a number of links for those who wish to read further.
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The Shadows We Live With
Here I look at ways of dealing with some of the shadows we live with - things in our lives that we may not be proud of, but which tend to stop us from fulfilling our potential.
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Learning to Listen
Listening is one of the most valuable anyone - including a lay counselor can have. The trouble is, we are not taught these skills. We are merely expected to know them. this article offers some guidelines.
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Counselling the Bereaved - part two
I wanted to look at ways of being there for someone who has a lost a loved one, because death is not an everyday occurrence, and, in general, most people lack the skills to be of any support to those they really care about in a time of grief.
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Counselling the Bereaved
In this article I have written largely of my own observations about what happens when someone discovers a loved one is dead.
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Group Therapy
This article offers a brief overview of points to remember when running a group. The principles here are mostly for therapy groups, but are valid for just about any type of group in which you would like active participation from members.
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Client Therapist Relationship
A coontinuation of my previous article outlining how I see the client-therapist relationship, with more emphasis on the actual relationship.
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The Client-Therapist Relationship
This is a two-part article in which I discuss some of my thoughts from a therapist point of view, and then continue with more emphasis on the therapist-client relationship.
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