SOCIAL FLOW

Last week I introduced the subject of flow. Flow is a term used by professionals to describe the feeling we're all familiar with -- being 'in the zone' -- that euphoric feeling in which excellence can be achieved through minimal effort. This and subsequent articles will outline how flow can work for you. This week's topic is flow and communication.

Now, whether you are depressed or not, if you practise and believe in this simple technique, flow techniques can help you. It is important to be able to deal with people when you least want to speak with them. Most people lack the motivation to listen to someone who bores, offends, or intimidates them. This is reasonable, but if we must communicate with them at work or in the neighbourhood, talking becomes more of an obligation than a pleasure.

Flow can help you overcome the stress of forced communication by focussing your concentration on the problem, forging a clear set of goals and setting a time limit in order to achieve those goals quickly.

Say, for instance, you are speaking with a colleague that is boring you into a snoring mood. You would like to finish the conversation so that you may go on and do the things that you would like to be doing. But you feel compelled to humour this rascal who chooses to talk about the marketplace for Indonesian chairs, something you know little of and care less for. So you must design a clear set of goals and the means to achieve them using courtesy and honesty (the most valuable tools for use in a social setting).

The problem -- you do not want to talk to this person.

The goal -- to meet your friends at the coffee shop on time and to ensure that the boring person does not get hurt by your wish to end the conversation.

The time frame -- one minute or three turns of the conversation, eg.:

"And so Indonesia laminates the wood with a lacquer known as kudfasteroll," Mr. Bore says. "Does Canada produce kudfasteroll?" You say. "No, but we can import it." "Is it expensive?" "Yes, you'd be better off buying shellac if you would like to refurbish your chair." "Thanks for the tip, Bora-bora. I should be getting going, nice talking to you." Handshake. "Ditto, take care."

You see, by employing active communication, asking questions instead of nodding and smiling, you can satisfy both you and Mr. Bore's goals. Not only would you then know to use shellac instead of kudfasteroll, you have successfully terminated a conversation that may have gone in the gutter when you became bored (if he did continue to talk, you would eventually become bored, unless you felt like expending energy in acting for tiresome and useless periods of time). Mr. Bore's goals have been fulfilled as well. He is not only glad to explain his knowledge of a given subject, he is more than pleased to inform you of something you may need, such as the cost of finishing compounds like shellac.

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