  |
|
|
|
"What happened to the good green earth of my youth? Did my joy exit first, or the green before joy?" Author Unknown
Since depressed people often see very little beauty in the world, this is a question too oft taken for granted: "When did I begin to feel sad?" I've asked myself this question and I'm dissatisfied with every answer I present. I believe my slippage into depression began after sixteen. That's the year I lost my dog, which might seem like a wimpy trigger point, but it meant a world of a lot to me at the time. When I think of it now, I don't feel as poignantly hurt by the incident because I look at things differently. But still, the grey remains. What must have happened is that, genetic tendencies aside, my dog's death delivered a substantial blow to my livelihood, like George Foreman's first-round uppercut, which weakened my natural defences to the future events that seemed like anvil-fists when in fact they were padded-jabs. I do remember feeling a deep contempt for the world in my senior years at school and now I wonder if my distinct loathing for the world was caused by the initial blow. Perhaps Foreman really isn't a sadistic splenetic stentorian tank. Maybe the initial blow had blurred my vision, embittered me to the extent that I gave up on everything after the following jabs of pain. Maybe the pastures are as green as they once were and my eyes have been tinted in accordance with my inners darkening. I have adopted this view in the past little while: the world may be a very nice place to be. Sounds pretty tentative, like I'm testing my toes in the cool pond? Yup. The world could be as lovely a place as books like A Simple Abundance will tell you. Of course, life may be as dangerous as Hemingway described it in his book, Out of Africa, in which hyenas nibble at their own strand of entrails in starving haste. A person's perception of the world will largely determine how they react to it both inside and out. Depressed people often withdraw from life altogether because it can be harsh and terrifying, but not always. For two years I stayed in bed unless I absolutely needed to go outside and not necessarily as a result of my dog being screeched to a quick death. My depression may simply be genetic mishap since everyone in my family is sombre. Less than half are taking antidepressants to attempt to cure it, to change their outlook on life.
The copyright of the article Something Else in Youth Depression is owned by Jordan Chambers. Permission to republish Something Else in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
|
|
|
|
