Les Ms.

Aside from consulting and running an ISP, I also teach a communications class at our local community college. In a recent class, we were discussing business letters and ways to maintain a professional appearance in writing. Part of the discussion had to do with how to address people you don't personally know, and which titles were appropriate for certain situations.

I was disheartened, to say the least, when I asked my students if they knew the difference between "Mrs.," "Miss," and "Ms." Most had no idea, and thought that Miss and Ms. were interchangeable. A few others knew the difference, but were rather vocal in their comments regarding their use. One student even said something to the effect of, "Ms. is for those little miss uppity gals." It was a sad minority that took my suggestion seriously that they should always use Ms. when writing to women they don't know.

As a woman who has been born and bred a feminist, thanks to Ms. Mama (a.k.a. my mother) and her subscriptions to Ms. Magazine, I grew up accepting Ms. as the appropriate address for women. As such, it's always a shock to me when I am met with distinctly non-feminist, indeed, anti-feminist, attitudes.

These are the attitudes that I believe women fight every day, whether they are business owners, stay-at-home moms, high school students, or any other of the many faces that women can be. And we fight these attitudes whether we are aware of them or not. We fight them when the loan officers don't look directly at us but rather at our husbands or partners. We fight them when we choose to run our businesses out of our living room rather than work a more traditional job. The fight is a constant struggle to be perceived as a professional, which is nearly impossible when someone thinks of me only as an "uppity gal" if I choose to go by Ms. Kitalong rather than Mrs. Will (my husband's last name).

It's difficult, but I believe we must insist that people refer to us as we want to be referred to. Our medical doctors insist that we call them doctor because they have earned the right to be known as such. Have we not earned the right to be known as women? As Ms.? So, I will continue to insist that my students call me "Ms. Kitalong," and I will continue to introduce myself in this manner to any new business contacts. It is, after all, an attitude that we must fight if we are to succeed as business owners, n'est pas?

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