Why the Bullets Are No More

Mel Allen told fans that Whitey Ford's repertoire included a fast ball, curve, slider, and change up. John Sterling tells fans that Kevin Brown's ARSENAL includes a fast ball, splitter, and slider. Whitey Ford was the Chairman of the Board. Kevin Brown is a real WARRIOR. The Yankees signed Whitey Ford in 1947 as an amateur free agent. Kevin Brown was DRAFTED in 1986 by the Texas Rangers.

In a game against Seattle on May 16, the Yankees and Brown were leading 2-0 when Brown gave up a BOMB to Scott Spiezio that pulled Seattle within a run. Spiezio SMASHED Brown's pitch and almost TORE THE COVER OFF THE BALL. He really hit a long SHOT, but Seattle never got out their strong ARTILLERY and the Yankees prevailed to win the BATTLE. After the game, Yankees manager Joe Torre told the media that Brown "...was DYNAMITE," since he allowed Torre to preserve his bullpen, which "...symbolically represents the fenced in area of a bull's pen, where bulls wait before being sent off to the SLAUGHTER. The relief pitchers are the bulls and the bullpen represents their pen."

This winter, the Yankees signed Gary Sheffield instead of Vladimir Guerrero. No matter. Both have RIFLES for arms and hit long BLASTS when they connect. Last winter the Yankees out maneuvered the Red Sox for the services of Jose Contreras, a move that has not been as successful as the Yankees had hoped it would be. At times, watching Contreras pitch is real TORTURE.

In December 2002, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner was interviewed by the New York Daily News. Red Sox president Larry Lucchino had called the Yankees the "EVIL EMPIRE" after they signed Contreras. Mr. Steinbrenner's response was that Mr. Lucchino is not the kind of guy you want to have in your FOXHOLE.

Larry Lucchino compared the Yankees, a baseball team, to the country President Ronald Reagan referred to as the "Evil Empire." With the passage of time, the term is now associated more with the Yankees than with the former Soviet Union. Ah, yes, teach your children well.

Phil Mushnick, one of the few writers willing to compare what individuals and corporations say with what they do, reported that "MVP Baseball," a video game licensed by Major League Baseball, has an option that allows the video game player to "Press B to Charge the Mound." When a batter is hit by a pitch the video game player can press B on her controller and the batter can charge the mound. Of course, that is reasonable because it is wrong for Roger Clemens to pitch batters inside. Any punishment the batter doles out is justified.

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