1) a) VINCE MCMAHON trots to the ring and gives us a great number of reasons why his fellow Americans should visit Canada. Stock answers ("where else could two divergent cultures like French and English Canadians live in harmony?" and "you brought strong beer to America") are predictable but still funny- like Krusty the Clown, Vince can still slay 'em when he wants to. Still, Vince says, as much as he thinks Americans should visit Calgary, they better not try and LIVE there... [evil laugh]
b) Cue the countdown and here comes CHRIS JERICHO to rain on Vince's parade- er, that is, when he gets a broken microphone, and then gets ANOTHER broken microphone! They don't TEST this stuff? Jericho demands a WWF title shot at STONE COLD tonight, calling the champ Vince's "brand new, personal private slut" which doesn't go over well with Vince at all. The icing on the cake? Jericho screens a clip from the 1987 Slammy Awards, where Vince sings "Stand Back" complete with a bunch of dancers! He struts around and scares small children. It's hysterical. Vince is furious: "Where did you get that footage? That's supposed to be locked up in a safe!" He grants Jericho a title shot, but against THE BIG SHOW for the Hardcore Title.
c) Cue the scary blue lights and here comes CHRIS BENOIT. "Jericho, I can't let you just-" [he imitates Vince's dancing] " 'stand back' and have all the fun." Since Jericho's already fighting tonight, why doesn't he step in and face Austin for the title? As punishment for embarrassing him, Vince gives Benoit a match against RHYNO and says that whoever is more impressive in Vince's opinion gets Austin tonight. So they get punished with a chance to win the title? If that's how he treats his enemies, I wonder how he treats his more loyal subjects- nah, better not go there. JERRY LAWLER might be reading. We get a little more of the frightening dancing as we cut to commercial.
2) HOWARD FINKEL leads us in a salute to STU HART and family, who are at ringside tonight. Nice ovation from the hometown crowd. Stu looks a lot thinner than last time he was on RAW, but still, he's out of the hospital, so good for him.
