RAW Report 3/19/01

1) RAVEN d. THE ASTONISHINGLY CHUBBY SHOW for the Hardcore Title. Bo-ring... .bo-ring. Like you couldn't figure out what these two yahoos were gonna do. Garbage cans and garbage wrestling abound here. KANE shows up in the midst of things and resumes his feud with the A.C.S. from about 2 years ago. Raven gets the pin after a Kane flying clothesline drops the A.C.S. to size. Raven skips the scene quickly with Kane in pursuit. Whatever.

2) Backstage we see "ANGRY" SHANE MCMAHON walking around.

3) Backstage JONATHAN COACHMAN tells THE ROCK that STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN's airplane was DELAYED. (Sorry, I got carried away again.) Rock doesn't seem to care too much.

4) SHANE MCMAHON interviews himself. Or rather, he talks to the crowd in the ring. He challenges VINCE MCMAHON to a match at Wrestlemania. Hoo boy, this ain't good. STEPHANIE MCMAHON-HELMSLEY adds another McMahon to this already long and tedious segment, and she tells Shane that if he'd just rip up the contract they could be a happy family again. All of this might work, actually, if they filmed the McMahons going to confession every week or something, cause then I might believe they could forgive each other in the storyline, but as it is I'm left empty. Vince and TRISH STRATUS show up and remind us for the 400 FLIPPIN BILLIONTH TIME that LINDA MCMAHON is cooped up in a home somewhere. I DON'T CARE AT ALL. Vince has Trish bring him the contract and he signs it. Vince and Shane decide to beat each other up now instead of Wrestlemania, but TRIPLE H beats Shane up and Pedigrees him. This accomplishes almost absolutely nothing! Yeesh!

5) Backstage TRIPLE H and VINCE beat SHANE up some more.

6) EDGE/CHRISTIAN d. THE HARDY BOYS for the WWF Tag Titles. Typical tag match between these teams, although RHYNO gets involved. Yes, as PAUL HEYMAN will probably remind us a zillion times, Rhyno from ECW. He interferes on the challengers' behalf and costs the Hardys the belts. The bad guys are happy.

7) Backstage THE UNDERTAKER is on his motorcycle.

8) Backstage EDGE, CHRISTIAN and RHYNO celebrate the tag title win.

9) Backstage WILLIAM REGAL and SOME POLICE want to talk to THE UNDERTAKER. They inform him that STEPHANIE has a restraining order against him. How many restraining orders does the Taker have now, anyway, two dozen? I'm surprised they even let him into the buildings anymore. Taker is obviously not happy.

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