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Action! Using the active voice in your science fiction story by Alissa Grosso "Use the active voice." - Rule No. 14, Strunk and White's Elementary Rules of Usage In science fiction we see many villains. They come in many different shapes and sizes. They can even come in the form of grammatical errors. One of these grammar gremlins is known as the passive voice. The passive voice creeps into science fiction stories and devours brevity, clarity, and action. Stories that contain too many sentences written in the passive voice sound weak and dull. The passive voice is an unwanted visitor in any story, but it is especially unwelcome in science fiction where action and conciseness are highly valued. Passive Voice vs. Active Voice When writing in the passive voice, we use a lot of "to be" verbs. The subject of the sentence is stripped of his/her/its volition and becomes a passive bystander to whatever action is thrown at them. Example: There were several laser blasts that struck the hull of the spacecraft. The active voice does not mess around with unnecessary "to be" verbs. Sentences written in the active voice are concise and powerful. If we rewrite the above example in the active voice, it would read: Laser blasts struck the hull of the spacecraft. Notice how much more powerful this sentence is? It accurately conveys the action that occurs in the story. We may even want to replace "struck" with a more forceful verb, perhaps "bombarded" or "attacked." More Examples Here are some more examples to help you see the difference between the passive voice and the active voice: Passive: He ran because he was afraid of the alien. Active: Fear forced him to run from the alien. Passive: She was scared that the shuttle was taking too long to arrive. Active: The shuttle's delay alarmed her. Passive: The computer was able to tell them that the airlock was opened by someone after the landing. Active: According to the computer, someone opened the airlock after the landing. Finding and Eliminating the Passive Voice Find a story or novel you have written and go through it to find sentences written in the passive voice. Try rewriting these sentences in the active voice. You will notice that the rewritten sentences energize your story. When rewriting your passive voice sentences, you should also try to simplify your story by eliminating unnecessary words. Strive to create the most concise story by getting your point across in as few words as possible. When Passive is Permissible Not all sentences written the passive voice need to be rewritten. Sometimes the passive voice can be used to show the complete helplessness of a subject. (Example: After fainting, he was carried back to the base camp.) However, too many sentences written in the passive voice will weaken your story. |
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