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Own Your Anger

© Roxianne Moore

Use Your Journal as a Dumping Ground

Anger is okay. It can be a good thing, a healthy response to the major slaps in the face that life sometimes delivers. Anger only becomes a problem if we focus on "the other guy" so strongly that we forget to deal with our own emotions.

Now, I'm not saying, "Don't get angry," or even "Don't let your anger show." Quite the opposite. What I'm suggesting is that you find a good, healthy outlet for your anger, one that's not going to cause physical or emotional pain. In fact, what I'm suggesting is that you let it all hang out -- a real harangue that clears your spirit of all that red, angry energy.

In The New Diary, Tristine Rainer offers some great tools for confronting your emotions in your writing so that you can stay "centered within yourself and aware that you are the source of your feelings."

Spill your anger out onto the page. It's great catharsis, and so much cheaper than therapy. Writing allows you to focus on the problem, rather than the person. Explore these ideas:

• What exactly makes you angry? A specific incident? A situation you can't control?
• What does this situation or incident make you want to do? Do you want to hit or scream or rant? Do you want to crawl inside a cave and wait till it's all over?
• Come up with every curse word you can -- list them in neat order down the left side of your page. Be creative! Now, on the right side, try to see the humorous side of each entry.
• Try writing a dialogue between yourself and the object of your anger. Even if you later decide to confront the person, the written dialogue -- and you may go over this several times -- provides an excellent way to clarify your own feelings. By writing everything down and anticipating the other's response, you may avoid future misunderstandings. Use your diary or your computer screen to dump all the name-calling, blaming, childish behavior so that when the time comes to actually talk, you can make yourself clear.
• Write a letter you don't intend to send. Pour all of your anger into the letter; go on for pages and pages if you have to. Now, burn it (it's usually a very bad idea to send these letters, and your lawyer would probably advise against it).
• In your writing, you can take on the role of a much more active, aggressive character, one that has no problem acting on anger. Maybe you can't do this in person, but the diary at least