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Communicate Your Way To A Healthier Relationship

© Alyssa Skye

Relationships with a significant other greatly impact our lives on a daily basis. If this relationship, often one of the most important that we have, is unhealthy in some way, it can affect everything from our self-esteem to our physical health to our sexuality.

A multitude of factors can cause distress and unhappiness in a relationship, but frequently either miscommunication or a complete lack of communication forms the basis for problems between two people. When a couple is unable to effectively discuss their feelings and ideas together, it will eventually lead to a breakdown, not only in the couple's sexual life, but in the entire relationship as well. Furthermore, individuals experiencing communication troubles have occasionally attempted to share feelings in a healthy, understanding way only to undergo more rejection, hurt, and misunderstanding from her or his partner. This results in the individual avoiding intimate communication and putting up emotional walls.

Fortunately, men and women can learn some helpful tools which will allow them to communicate more productively. To begin with, when communicating with someone, it is important to remember to be kind and honest and to have constructive intentions. While this seems simple and straightforward, it can be difficult to achieve in stressful situations. Before entering potentially volatile discussions, then, it is beneficial to agree that both yourself and your partner will communicate in a kind, honest, constructive manner. This is the first step toward building a strong, healthy relationship.

Although it is tempting to begin arguing when one of you is angry, try to mentally step back for a moment to allow the heat of the anger to pass somewhat. Some tools which might be helpful to achieve a calmer mental state include counting to ten several times, taking several deep breaths (count to four slowly as you inhale and count backwards from four to one as you exhale), walk around the block, or write your angry, uncensored thoughts in a journal.

Often people will see the anger but refuse to look at the real emotions which might be hidden beneath it. For example, when my partner hurts me with something he says, my immediate response might be to lash out at him in anger rather than looking at the hurt which is there. Each person has a choice to either strike back verbally or to discuss the feelings of hurt, misunderstanding, etc.

Think about what effect your words will have on your partner. Will they perhaps make the him or her angry? Will they promote misunderstanding? If so, then the statement might need to be rephrased. Certain methods of communication will almost always cause further misunderstanding. These include: claiming that a statement is true rather than qualifying it as one's perceptions; using words with derogatory meanings; being judgmental, rude, or insulting; name-calling; using "you..." statements rather than "I..." statements; having unresolved issues; and jumping to conclusions.

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