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When No Is, NO!

© Nancy Coulter

I heard a story at work today that got me thinking - and worrying.

A girl (legally an adult) went to a hotel. She was trying to make some money and was hired to have some pictures taken of her. Yes, these pictures were sexual in nature but were just supposed to be of her. Naked and with "toys". She came to the hotel, met the "photographer" and did the "photo shoot".

Along the way, the photographer got a little excited from taking all these pictures of her. Once he was done with the camera, he decided that he wanted something extra from her. The result was sexual intercourse. She went to the police and filed rape charges, he left the hotel thinking nothing bad had happened.

So was it rape? Was she "asking for it" because she had put herself in that situation? Should she just expect to have sex with anyone who takes pictures of her naked?

The answer should be easy. If this woman told the man "No" at any point during their sexual experience, it was rape. Doesn't matter what she was (or wasn't) wearing. Doesn't matter why she was there. The point is that she demanded that he stop, and he didn't.

Now, I completely agree that she was in a bad situation and it wasn't the brightest idea in the world. However, a woman shouldn't be punished for a bad judgement call by being raped. No one has the right to demand or expect anything from you that you aren't willing to give. The woman in this situation was willing to let the man take pictures of her naked and by herself. That was it.

It makes me almost physically ill when I hear someone say "Well she asked for it by dressing that way" or "She wanted it cause she was dancing like a slut". I'm sorry, but no one asks to be raped. Being raped it quite possibly one of the most humilating and horrifying experiences a woman can have. It is not something that a woman wants or seeks out.

Women have a right to wear whatever clothes they want to wear. They can go to whatever clubs or bars and do whatever they please (within the legal limits, of course). We shouldn't have to live in constant fear of being raped because we wear clothes that make men think of sex. Even if the clothes, attitudes or actions make a man think of sex, that doesn't mean the woman wants sex from that man. Nor does it mean that she has to take it from him because of the way she is acting.