Winners and Losers
I woke up to a new day, but to a flipped room once again. I quickly put it back in place by closing my eyes and focusing on the bed rail as I opened them again. I wasn't scared anymore when I found the room flipped over. It happened several times a day, and I knew that what I was seeing wasn't real even though it felt like it was. There would be voices whispering to me that I was losing control but, deep inside, I knew what was going on. I knew my mind was playing tricks on me. I imagined people standing out in the hall, talking about me. Even as I listened to them...I knew they weren't real...but I heard them, just the same.
I think that's what is important to remember. Satan was trying to make me think I was losing my mind, but the love of God helped me to see the truth. Even though I could see and hear things that others couldn't see and hear, I was finally able to realize that what I saw and heard was not necessarily what was happening.
As I began to realize that my experiences weren't real, I remember talking to a psychiatrist. She was very nice and let me talk and explain what I was seeing.
"I'm afraid if I tell you everything," I said to her, "that you'll think I am really crazy."
"No, I won't," she answered softly. "If you tell me exactly what's going on, we can talk about it and help you to sort out what's real and what isn't."
"You do realize that much of what you're experiencing isn't real, don't you?" she continued.
"Oh yes," I answered. "I know the room doesn't really flip, that it just looks like it to me. I challenge myself now to see how quickly I can get it set right again."
"That's good. What else is going on?"
"Well, I hear people out in the hall, talking about me right outside my door. How can I tell if what I see and hear is real? I mean...it all seems so real, even though it isn't." I was puzzled.
"When that happens, ask someone else if they see or hear what you do. If you hear voices in the hall, buzz the nurse and ask if there are people out there. If you see someone, ask the aide if she sees them too."
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