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Co-dependency is an addiction. And it's a difficult one to deal with, because it is so intangible. The substance abuser or addict can decide to put down the drink, or the drug. But the co-dependent is often tied to the person he or she is addicted to, in a very binding way. It could be a spouse, a parent, a child, to whom we are playing the co-dependent role.
Do you live more in a fantasy world than in reality? Do you imagine how life will be if the other person does, says, doesn't do, changes...something that you think needs changing? Your fantasy about that is your DRUG! It keeps you addicted to unreality. And somewhere deep inside, you know if you wake up from this fantasy, you're going to hurt! Just like the addict knows if he or she doesn't have a drink or a fix, it's going to be too painful to bear! How many roles do you play in a certain relationship? Are you not only spouse, parent, child, sibling, but rescuer, caretaker, maid, butler, taxi service, employer or bank, clergy, nurse, protector, savior, mouthpiece...? So part of your fantasy is that you're super human, right? Do you find it impossible to stop doing these things for the other person? Afraid he or she will leave you, be angry with you, find someone else to take your place? Do you have an overwhelming need to control what the person is doing, and get totally frustrated and angry when they don't do what you want? If you find yourself manipulating another person or situation to get it the way you want it, you're acting compulsively and co-dependently! OK. So you get a fix...you manipulate the person or situation...just one more time, to get what you want and everything is momentarily all right. Do you have a supreme sense of relief and well-being? That's not real happiness, that's your fix kicking in! If you're experienced that euphoric feeling, only to have it dashed a few hours, days, weeks, months later...and you're back in the pain, anger and frustration of not being able to control a person or situation, you're in the co-dependent whirlpool! This is not a therapeutic kind of whirlpool! You can drown in this one. Do you yourself experience extreme mood swings based on the alternating frustration and anger, control/manipulation and then well-being? First you're screaming your head off, your heart is pounding a mile a minute, you can't think of anything but what to do about "the situation." Then you're all happy, smiling, ready to have a party! You become very affectionate, generous, seeing the world through rose colored glasses. Until next time... Go To Page: 1 2
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