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Shattered Children

© Jodi Wetherup

There are many forms of abuse in this world. This is a sad, but true lesson we all learn as we grow older.

One form of abuse I have come into contact with both in real life and via the internet is neglect (see Shattered Children Pt.1). Although many people may stop and ask - "As long as they aren't being beaten or molested, it isn't really abuse is it?" Yes, it is. Children are very aware of neglect - just as aware as if the parent or caregiver were abusing them physically or sexually. Neglect leaves just as definite emotional and psychological scars, often these remain long term.

What are some steps to help a neglected child overcome the pain and distrust? Here's a few tips I have learned over the past years:

Never underestimate the healing power of a kind word. Children who have been neglected are often suffering from low self-esteem, and self loathing. If they see an adult who feels they are worthy of praise and love, these issues gradually come to the surface where they can be worked out verbally.

Include the child in as many activities as you can. This should be something that develops gradually, however it never hurts to ask the child if they wish to join in.

A child who has been neglected will rarely (if ever) have been hugged. Offering your arms, or even just your hand to hold, will start the healing process. ALL human beings long to hold or be held in times of happiness, sorrow, illness, fright, or even just because it feels good - particularly children. Random acts of hugging (as it is called by some) is a large step in the healing process. It shows the child they are loved.

For pagan families, taking in a foster child or adopting a child from a background of neglect may be more difficult, should the child not be familiar with pagan beliefs.

If this is the case, sitting down with the child and having a frank discussion is a must. Not only will this give the child a sense of belonging, it will give them some preparation for the family's differing beliefs. Do keep the child's age in mind however - younger children can be introduced to the beliefs through storytelling and the mythology of the familial path. Older children (such as late pre-teen and teen years) can be given more information, as the new caregiver sees fit.

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