To be or Not to Be - A Parent
Jerry Steinberg, the founder of No Kidding!, a non-profit social group originating in Canada (www.nokidding.bc.ca) but with chapters across the US, talks about his reasons for creating such a group for singles or couples who had made the decision to be childfree. "Most of my friends started getting married and having children, and I discovered that I was losing them to their wives, husbands and especially their children....They simply had no room in their lives for me.". No Kidding!, and other similar groups, enable couples and singles without children to meet and engage in social activities together, forming bonds and potentially long term friendships.
Soon after my husband and I wed, I remember a conversation with my in-laws where they related their own experience of dwindling friendships. I recall thinking that such a thing would never happen to us, that our relationships were strong enough to survive the demands of career, marriage and kids. Five years later, and I have seen the formation of a "mommy" club, one which has strained, if not severed, my connections with many of the same women I used to share my secrets and adventures with. It saddens me to know that our mutual interests have been submerged beneath diapers, play dates and preschool, and more so, that my refusal to metamorphose is seen as a deficit, as immaturity. Only months of introspection have convinced me that my constancy of character is not a failure to evolve, but a choice not to conform to our pronatal society's expectations.
Some Repercussions of Being Childfree:
- fewer tax deductions
- less access to social services, which always give preference to those with children
- more expensive health insurance. Most employer sponsored group plans differentiate between "single" and "family". How is it fair to ask a childfree couple to pay the same rate as a family of 10?
- fewer acceptable excuses for flex time. This is not to say that a parent doesn't deserve understanding of their demands, but why the double standard? Why should children be a pre-requisite for having a life outside of the workplace?
- attending baby showers and enduring repeated tales of horrific deliveries
- being ignored, interrogated or belittled for your decision to be sterilized. A primary care physician, who disagreed with his female patient's choice, delayed the gynecological referral, thereby delaying her procedure. Only by contacting the ob/gyn clinic and enlisting them as her advocates was she able
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