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To be or Not to Be - A Parent

© Cristy Wright

My mother, at my age, had been divorced, remarried and brought three children into this world (with one more lurking in the not so distant future). Five years into my first, and God willing only, marriage and the only kids in my life are two of the four leggy furry variety, or those belonging to other folks. This is not to say that human children are not a possibility, somewhere in the unforseen chasm of my future, but the thought of dedicating my every waking hour to a squalling bundle of need (one of my other childfree friend's descriptions) makes me tremor in horror.

Despite society's perceptions, twenty percent of women in their childbearing years (ages 15-44) in the United States are childfree, and the US Census reports that seventeen percent of women born between 1945 and 1960 will never have children. In 1982, 10 to 17 percent of women aged 25 to 29 were expected to remain childfree. Ten years later, 19 percent of these women still had no children, and if the pattern holds for today's 18-to-24-year-olds, their ultimate childfree rate may fall slightly below the bureau's estimate of 24 percent. Many variables factor into these phenomena including increased education about and access to contraception, both genders' pursuit of a career, and the postponement of marriage. The most important element of this statistic, in my opinion, is choice. More people than ever before are simply choosing not to have children.

Childfree couples are thought to be selfish, immature, irresponsible, or child haters, but that's only after the couple is believed to be infertile. Once that myth is dispelled, suddenly disparaging traits are assumed about the couple's characters, including a severe mental defect as to why seemingly logical people would consciously delay or forego the joy of parenting. These people are constantly asked to defend their choice, when none is necessary. After all, did anyone ever ask a parent why they wanted to have a child in the first place? Well, The Washingtonian did and the number one answer - "I don't know".

Parenting is hard work. We've all heard the joyous stories of sleep deprivation, soiled clothing, obsessed ruminations about death, maiming or police involvement when a child is unlocatable, or doctor bills, dentist bills, orthodontist bills, and college tuition. Contrary to popular opinion, most childfree people take parenting very seriously, are aware of the financial and emotional sacrifices, and have decided that either they are unable or unwilling to do what is necessary to raise a child adequately. Why should they be faulted for that decision? Isn't it more reprehensible to bring a child into this world and be unable to care for it properly, to expect the government or some other entity to take the responsibility?