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The Joys of Flirting

© Cristy Wright

When toddlers smile, make eye contact and hide their faces from others, adults laugh and call the behavior flirting. As we grow, our mothers tell us the obnoxious boy who relentlessly pulls our hair really has a crush on us, and once adolescent insecurity creeps in, we forage for any sign that the object of our affection desires us back. Hopefully, as adults we discover the subtler nuances of intergender relations and eventually meet and fall in love with our present partners. Does that mean the end to flirting, at least with anyone except our spouses? That after all the years of practice and fine tuning, we hang up our signature hair twist and eye lash flutter?

Let's be honest, just because we're married does not mean we're dead. Regardless of how in love we are, we are bound to run into men who we find attractive, funny or charming. It's inevitable. Does our legal bond mean we have to stifle every feminine urge, forsake the years of flirting experience and walk away? Or, can we smile coyly, cock our head adoringly and revel in the delicious sensations of extramarital attention? I'm voting for the latter.

Let me first define what flirting is not. Flirting is not lying to someone about your marital status or leading them to believe something which is not true. Flirting is not about arranging for an extramarital sexual encounter, or attempting to seek vengeance on your spouse for some perceived wrong. It most certainly is not wearing a short skirt around a person of authority to further your career or pretending to be someone you're not in order to get your way. That is manipulation, pure and simple. Flirting is not about compromising your relationship or yourself.

Flirting is harmless adult fun. According to Merriam-Webster online, flirting is defined as "to behave amorously without serious intent; to show superficial or casual interest or liking". Nowhere in that description do I read anything malicious, conniving or dishonest. Flirting is a lighthearted means to make yourself and the object of your affection feel good about themselves. Most of us are secretly flattered when a man other than our husbands gives us a lingering glance or a mischievous smile. Regardless of my state of mind, when the driver of a semi honks at me, I give a friendly wave in return - usually as I'm leaving them in my rear view mirror. I can appreciate the sentiment without returning it. Nothing wrong can come out of good manners.

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