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Her Family, Her Friends

© Mignon Quintyne

It is no easy task for a woman to accept the fact that she's an alcoholic. Add to the equation that she may be someone's mother, lover, or relative, for them living with her addiction is no easy task. What is said in this article applies to just about everyone bound by blood or affection that lives with a woman alcoholic. By the end of this article I'd like for you to gain a newer understanding of the woman alcoholic, so that you'd leave with a feeling of inner peace knowing that no mistake was too big, no situation too difficult, or no un-pleasantry said too great to overcome.

Women alcoholics, like her male counterparts while drunk do not make great companions. They veer from one extreme to another, are bitter, angry, secretive, depressed, resentful, and selfish. Yet those of us who stand by her side and travel that emotional rocky road to remain loyal, sympathetic, self-sacrificing souls, have begged, cajoled, or bullied her to return to the loved one we once knew.

In my situation, living with my alcoholic mother was the ultimate test of patience and forgiveness. Never a physical person, my mother abused me in the most hurtful way you can abuse a child, emotionally. On drinking binges my mother would rant, rave, yell, and curse awful insults at me, yet I was to one to feed her when ill, clean her when soiled, and comfort her when the bottle could not. I saw things a child should not see and heard things never intended for innocent ears. Our home was a battleground at night and a peaceful villa by day. Friends were never invited over, day to day I never knew who or what to expect. After bad hangovers I believed my mother's promises to never again touch the bottle when my siblings would not. They were often right, days or weeks later, my mother would start drinking again.

It was only after my own experiences of being a woman alcoholic that I gained a true understanding of my mother's affliction, in childhood I misunderstood this. I thought that my mother was cruel, unloving and inconsiderate, when in actuality she was living in her own little alcoholic world alone and depressed where everything is distorted.

Try not to condemn the woman alcoholic in your life. Treat her as you would anyone else that is sick because alcoholism is a sickness. An alcoholic does not choose to be the person that they are while drunk. However there is an important exception, some women alcoholics possess naturally bad temperaments that no amount of patience and forgiveness will assist. I truly feel that it is in your best interests to disassociate yourself from this type of person. Try not to get angry with the woman alcoholic. Anger fuels her fire and harms more than it helps. Try not to nag the woman alcoholic about getting help. Make an appropriate suggestion then leave it up to her to make her own decision. Set a goal to not let the woman alcoholic in your life spoil your relationship with others. Maintain a life that is full and rewarding despite her addiction. Finally, do not set your heart upon reforming an alcoholic, because no matter how hard you try, you may be unable to do so. I know many of the suggestions here might seem hard, but an observance of some may help you to regain some sanity and structure in your life.