Thanks to Shaiye

About seven years ago I was at the blackest point in my life. I went out to drink and drank to go out. My motivations to drink were plentiful, or so I thought. I thought I was unworthy of love, laughter, happiness, and most of all life. To make thinks worse, I was thousands of miles away from home at a university where I knew no one. I was homesick, lonely, depressed and presented with a whole world of new opportunities.

Instead of taking my university experience in a positive manner, I withdrew academically and took a different route. I partied constantly and drank daily. I let myself be influenced by negative persons and mediums. I knew I had to change my lifestyle or end up like my mother. Broke, drunk, and lonely.

One night after a party on my way home, I saw a girl that could have been me. She was staggering badly, eyes swollen shut, clothing bedraggled, hair matted, with streams of vomit pouring down her chin (I was never that bad, okay so I was, except for the vomit part). Seeing that girl made me realize what I was doing to myself. At that moment I was ashamed for that girl and for myself.

That night I made a conscious decision to change my life for my self. Luckily it was mid-semester and my grades were not completely in the gutter. With hard work and determination I felt that I could have bring my grades up to a passing level. However personally, I was on an emotional roller coaster ride. I cried constantly. To avoid drinking I avoided going out. My only social interactions were at class and at the grocery store. I frequented the library and read a lot of self-help books. I meditated daily, took long walks and started a daily journal where I put my innermost thoughts and feelings.

Almost on the road to redemption, one night while at the library looking for something to pass the weekend I saw the man who was to become the father of my first child. He was a vision to behold and if there is such a thing as love at first sight, I was there. It sounds corny, but our eyes met and the sparks flew. We were introduced and things took off from there. We connected on many levels and spent every available moment together. Our relationship became intimate quickly and soon after I became pregnant.

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