It's lurking out there, just waiting to take over my lawn. I can hear its green, fragrant rustling in the night as it waits and plots. Forget about garden statuary and the controversial pink plastic flamingo - the REAL lawn ornament from the Nightmare Worlds is that floral Machiavelli called "The Mint."
In my young and innocent years, when I believed almost anything, my father advised me to plant mint around the water faucet because it would grow in soggy spots. It seemed like a logical suggestion, since he always planted mint at many of the military base housing units we lived in over the years. He said it made wonderful juleps and iced tea and that it was a pleasant ornamental plant to have around. He imparted all the wisdom he had about mint. The only thing is that he forgot to tell me just how well it grew. I think it's because he was in the Army and we never lived anywhere long enough to see the results of planting a few innocent sprigs of mint.
Occasionally I lie awake at night, wondering if the reason some of those military bases had to be closed was not because of budget cuts but because the darn mint escaped from the water faucet area and took over the rest of the base. It's the wildscaper's nightmare, that harmless herb that suddenly runs amok all over your careful gardening plans. To judge from what happened after I planted the mint at our current house, it's possible that the government cover-up about those military base closings is really all about - mint!
The behavior of my peppermint certainly lends credibility to the theory, as those of you who also innocently planted mint can confirm. Mine stood around and looked weak and helpless for about the first year and then, after I decided it wasn't a threat to the native species, it made its move. It took over the kids' bicycles where they lay rusting and awaiting spring. It took over the swampy area by the faucet. It crossed the sidewalk and began investigating the small bed of carrots I planted. It scaled the whiskey barrel where my roses were sunning themselves and tried to introduce itself to them. It crept over to the Virginia creeper and signed a non-aggression pact so that the vine got the house siding while
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