Beaver Rock

As the saying goes, everything old is new again. The latest example of that is the resurgence of anything from the 80s - the music is hot again (would you believe Culture Club is touring?), the clothes are starting to come back and political wonks believe Ronald Reagan's political philosophy is the foundation of George W. Bush's policies.

Now another example of history repeating itself has surfaced in Tallahassee, Florida. According to AP and CNN, a group of beavers are building dams in an area that's being commercially developed. Rather than setting traps or calling in Ellie Mae Clampett, the workers have taken a cue from the US military's capture of Manual Noriega in the 1980s. That's right, they're blasting rock music at the beavers.

The article gives no mention of the type of music being aimed at the critters, which is a shame. They could be doing a huge public service by letting us know what works and what doesn't. If I remember correctly, the military used heavy metal against Noriega. Hmm, what to put on the play list for beavers...

"Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tennille?

"Crocodile Rock" by Elton John?

"Who Let The Dogs Out" by the Baja Men?

"Cat Scratch Fever" by Ted Nugent?

Then again, maybe animal related songs wouldn't do the trick. Maybe a collection of music the teens like these days would drive them out of their dams. What if the workers set up dueling stereo systems, one blasting N'Sync and the other the Backstreet Boys? Or an epic battle between Brittney Spears and Mandy Moore? Frankly, I know hearing Eminem and Limp Bizket would be enough to make me run for the hills.

When I first moved to a larger city to go to college, the house I rented was in an area frequented by raccoons. They enjoyed having "relations" on the top of the porch roof, which was right by my bedroom window and let me tell you, hearing scratching sounds at your bedroom window your first night in the big city is bound to make you edgy. I tried playing music too and nothing happened. I think the only thing that made them stop was when I put on an old Shaun Cassidy album.

Hey, who ever said that rock music will drive animals away anyway? Why couldn't classical music make 'em run? Or jazz? I know jazz fans who curl up in the fetal position anytime someone mentions Kenny G. Why is rock music considered the Terminex of music? Alas, we may never know.

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