Bullwinkle Takes A Dive or Moose Goes Kersploosh

We've all heard of Bullwinkle J. Moose, the famous cartoon moose whose antics have delighted fans for decades. Just a couple of years ago, Bullwinkle made the big jump to movies, hoping to do like Tom Hanks, who also started in television (remember "Bosom Buddies"?) and has had tons of success in films. Well, "The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle" wasn't exactly "Forest Gump" and our hero quietly faded into obscurity.

Or so we thought.

CNN's website recently reported that a 1,500 pound moose was wandering around Spokane, Washington when it decided to go swimming. No, it didn't head for the nearest river or lake. Nope, it jumped a fence and got into a swimming pool. There weren't any swimming caps available that were large enough at the pool, so it had to swim with its antlers above the water, apparently doing the doggy paddle. (You expected the moosie paddle?) It swam around for a bit and then jumped back over the fence and disappeared. The property owners apparently have decided not to press trespassing charges and all seems to be well. No word yet on whether Disney has optioned the rights to the story.

I don't know if it's as simple and sweet as it sounds. To me, this sounds like an early cry for help from a moose who was once a bright star but who has been chewed up by the Hollywood movie making machine and spit onto the sidewalk of life, not unlike a piece of well used gum. It's tragic. We've all heard stories of former stars, especially child stars, who were once hotter than an egg frying on a sidewalk in the Mojave Desert but ended up robbing convenient stores, pumping gas or even doing endorsements for psychics in the back of magazines.

Maybe Bullwinkle jumped the fence, hoping to get busted for trespassing so he could get some professional help. As I recall from the cartoons, he went on several adventures involving mooseberries. Just what exactly is a mooseberry? Could it be a relative of blackberries and raspberries or something more sinister and addictive? For all we know, the drug cartels may soon be importing mooseberries as the next big controlled substance. I tried to contact an expert on plants about this important question, but Martha Stewart isn't returning my emails. Neither is the Betty Ford Clinic. However, they did offer to send over some nice gentlemen in white coats to bring me in for a visit to a nice padded cell.

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