Problem Squirrels

All right, I've had it! The Squirrel Mafia has gone too far this time. I've tried to be neighborly but they pushed their luck. I bought a new tube feeder about three weeks ago and the little buggers have already trashed it. They took out the last one I had, but they were especially savage this time. The last one limped along for about 6 months. This one barely lasted three weeks before they ripped out the perches, enlarged the holes where the perches had been, nibbled on the lid and finally totally destroyed the bottom. I can't even tape the bottom back on; they completely shredded the end of the tube. It looks like jagged broken glass. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Rumble on the Island.

I'd love to know why they insist on being such problem children. I fill the squirrel feeder every day and scatter more corn on the ground around the tree. The neighbors have one of those feeders that holds ears of corn and they keep it full. Plus there's all the stuff Mother Nature provides to keep them going - seeds, nuts, whatever. I could understand why they pull out the perches; with no perch, all that yummy seed falls to the ground. What I can't understand is why the little darlings had to be so vicious and destructive. You can't blame this on too many video games and "The Matrix"!

I went out to the feeders the other day and caught one of the squirrels attacking the tube feeder. "All right pal, get out of that thing! Why must you destroy the bird feeders?"

He looked at me for a minute. "Chill out, willya?"

"I asked you a question - why do you trash the feeders?" Yes, I could have asked him how he could talk, but why waste the opportunity?

"It's not just me" he whined.

"Yeah, well I don't care. You're the one who got busted. Now 'fess up or I'm putting cayenne in the birdseed."

He sighed. "I just want a little attention. You're so busy these days."

"Attention? You're a wild animal! You don't care about things like that. Besides, don't you already have a mother?"

"Yeah, but she just raised me until I was old enough to forage for myself and then she took off to have another litter. Just because I can feed myself doesn't mean I don't have other needs that have to be taken care of." He dabbed his eyes with the tip of his tail. Obviously I was dealing with a squirrel who had been sitting on the windowsill while I watched "Oprah".

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