Somthin' Squirrely Is Going On

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a column accusing the birds around my house of trying to destroy my bird feeder. I still think they did most of the damage, but I think they had accomplices - the squirrels.

Those squirrels are ingrates! After all I've done for them...where did I go wrong? I try, I really do. I buy them squirrel chow and feed them daily. Actually, I'm now insane enough to whip up my own squirrel chow - I buy shelled corn and birdseed anyway, so I got some sunflower seeds and peanuts and mixed them up. I schlep out there in the rain, snow, extreme heat - I even hobbled out there with a sprained knee, all to feed those cute little critters. And what thanks do I get? I bought a squirrel feeder and they ate part of it before I could get it hung on the tree. They pull the perches out of the bird feeder so the birdseed will fall all over the ground. In fact, they go after every bird feeder I put out! We used to have our tube feeder hanging outside the big window in the living room - no birds ever came, but somehow an intrepid little squirrel got up there and pigged out.

I used to have a couple small feeders in the lilac bush, but one day I went to fill them and saw something white and furry hanging from a branch. The first thing I thought was "how did Pooh get in the lilac bush?" Pooh is one of my cats, and she's not exactly skinny and doesn't climb trees. I looked closely and it was a squirrel tummy! The little goofball was hanging from his tail, grabbing birdseed out of the feeder. He froze and I froze and we stared at each other for a minute. He was kinda cute and for half a second I was tempted to rub his tummy, like I do with the cats. I knew, however, that if I even tried that he'd go from Cute Woodland Creature to Wild Beast from Hell in about a half second. Finally I went back into the house and he finished his lunch. I moved the bird feeders the next day.

I had been grumbling about the squirrels pulling out the perches in the bird feeder for a while when I caught one in the act - again. I grouched about how the birds wouldn't have any feed while a perfectly good, full squirrel feeder was on the tree right next to the shepherd's hook where I hang my bird feeder. Then I noticed some movement on the ground. There were about a half dozen female ducks under the birdfeeder! I hadn't noticed them because it was getting dark, they're brown and I was grumpy. I watched as the squirrel carefully pulled out a perch and tossed it on the ground. The birdseed fell and was gobbled up by the ducks. I felt like an idiot. I had been crabbing about wasting birdseed and this helpful squirrel was trying to help feed his fellow woodland creatures. (Yes, I know - I've been watching the Disney Channel too much) After that I never complained about the perches getting pulled out. Birdseed is cheap.

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