Home » Partners & Parents » Weddings » Weddings as Compromise - Differences with Your Future Spouse

Weddings as Compromise - Differences with Your Future Spouse

© Jessica Cuba

Marriage is a compromise; often your biggest practice will come while planning the wedding. Most women have visions of their perfect wedding from the time they are children. As society marries at an older age, men are often forming their own imaginary weddings as well. If they have not, it’s almost certain someone in their family has taken care of the imagining for them.

Realizing that there is give and take in planning a wedding is the first step. The next is knowing who should give and take.

Differences between future spouses are more difficult than with parents. This is the person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with, and at times one day seems too much to handle. One common complaint I have heard is that one partner wants a theme wedding while the second does not. A second common complaint is casual and small vs. large and elaborate.

The first thing to do is sit down with your partner and write down the most and lest important things about your vision of a wedding. Do you want a big wedding for the sweeping train? All of your friends? Your large family? A tiered wedding cake? Figure out the center of your vision. Next, the least important things. Maybe you don’t really care if those 500 people are in tuxes, or whether the china is real, or whether the large wedding takes place in a church. His theme may be just a chance to dress up in an outfit he thinks makes him look great, or a chance to walk under swords held by friends. Maybe he just doesn’t want the hassle of the wedding in your mind.

I would suggest waiting at least a day between determining your priorities and discussing them. Immediately after putting your passions on paper, it can be an emotional time to think about letting some things go. After a day to become a little detached, you both may be more rational. You might even be surprised by the things you really want from your wedding!

Once you are ready, start discussing the best merger of the two weddings you are picturing. Can you have your amazing dress outside if you also have a large runner in the grass and a good bustle for he reception? Can he have his small ceremony and you can plan a huge reception after the honeymoon with all your friends? Can you find a tux or gown with elements of a theme that doesn’t distract from the day?

The copyright of the article Weddings as Compromise - Differences with Your Future Spouse in Weddings is owned by . Permission to republish Weddings as Compromise - Differences with Your Future Spouse in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.