Bridesmaids are usually chosen first. The groom's friends and family tend to be a little less concerned about who stands up front. Your picks will generally determine how many groomsmen there are.
Using bridesmaids from a similar group may help ease "why didn't you choose..." For example, if all of your choices are old high school friends - you have a ready-made excuse for college friends. The easiest group for most people to work with is family.
Bridesmaids don't have to be maids. You can choose married friends and family. Even if you don't choose a married friend as a bridesmaid, don't underestimate how much she can help with planning!
Married friends will probably understand better if they are not chosen.
You have you own money concerns, but don't forget your friend's money situation. Many friends will be spending money on travel, lost work and gifts for your wedding. Before you ask a friend to stand up for you, consider the additional time and money costs that may occur if she accepts - the dress, shoes, hair stylist, extra time off work, wedding showers, bachelorette party. Can your friend handle these costs? If not, consider a way to help without offending or do not ask her - she may feel pressured to say yes to something she cannot afford.
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