She wants a yard that proclaims her sophistication and elegance to the world; He wants a place to hang his hammock and drink beer.
She wants a big garden with every plant that catches his fancy. He wants a new lawn tractor.
Can this marriage be saved? Can this yard be saved???
The answer is yes, if they learn the gentle art of compromise.
The easiest compromise is made by flipping a coin to see who gets the front yard and who the back. If she is mainly concerned with making a statement to the world, the front yard is the logical place. Hang a hammock in the front and you run the danger of turning the rose garden into a beer garden. But create an elegant formal courtyard there and you set the tone for the whole neighborhood.
Of course some front yards (and ours in one) simply don't lend themselves to this. In that case you may have to split the difference in the backyard. Plant a formal area close to the house, with all the brick and paths you want -- maybe a small sitting area. Surround it by a low hedge. The hedge reinforces the line and formality of the garden; it also serves as the boundary between where her garden starts and his begins.
"His" garden is the less structured one, with lawn, curved beds, native plants and brighter colors. It will be hidden when you sit in the formal garden, but a pleasant surprise when you emerge, going slightly wilder as it heads off into whatever distance, be it large or miniscule, that remains in the yard. Not only will this solution satisfy both gardeners, but it also imitates a natural progression from the carefully tended dooryard garden out to the somewhat wilder look of nature untamed.
Another solution is a style compromise. Gardens that are laid out formally and yet planted informally can look very satisfying, and may satisfy both gardeners. An informal garden using formal materials is also a workable solution.
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