When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
"I didn't mean what I said! I was just angry, talking out of my head."
How many times have you heard that?
How many times have you said that?
How many times have you believed it?
It hurts me to admit it because I'm an offender, but words spoken in anger are always the truth, at least, in most cases, a momentary truth. Yes! At that moment you did hate him. In that instant of time you really never did want to see her again. Time, however, inevitably comes to our rescue, the anger subsides and logic resumes its tenuous hold on our minds and tongues -- but the damage has been done.
Its called venting and is obviously very damaging to relationships but worse than that, its damaging to the person who is doing the venting. Mark Twain, bless his rascally soul, almost had it right: when angry, counting to four (or breathing deeply and slowly) can help you get past the moment -- swearing, however, doesn't help. Not even the popular methods of catharsis, punching a bag or taking out your emotions on a pillow, will help -- in fact experts say that taking out your aggression on inanimate objects will only make you more violent. So what's a body to do?
An excellent article from the American Psychological Assn suggests that you: a) try to understand your anger, b) study relaxation techniques, c) practice these relaxation techniques daily so that you have them handy when you need them and d) avoid exaggerating the seriousness of the situation that caused the anger by examining it.
Everyone gets angry and anger itself is a healthy, normal emotion -- it's not the enemy. There are, however, two other enemies: our inability to control our anger "reflex" and our unwillingness to understand its source. Its also important to note that controlling anger is not the same as suppressing it. Suppressing anger, i.e., not dealing with it or refusing to admit its there, can cause psychological and/or emotional damage as it reaps havoc in your social life.
To end on an inspirational note: here's an old Chinese proverb (a real one!) to take to heart:
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
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