VIETNAM; A Concept of Love and Marriage
Each year on February 14, we celebrate love and lovers. Contrary to this tradition of expressed love, Vietnamese young men and women do not publicly profess love to each other. Somehow, it is considered extremely bad taste for a woman to declare or acknowledge her love for a young man. The concept of dating does not even exist in Vietnam. The most usual way for young people to get married is still through the parents, or sometimes through the intermediary of a ba’ mo^’i, a woman who serves as a go-between.
Recently I went to watch the film " Crouching Tigers and Hidden Dragons ". In this film, there were two couples . One older couple, possibly in their thirties and one younger couple in their early twenties. I noted the marked difference between the ways they declared love to each other.
It was quite interesting as the older couple never really say much to each other They simply look at each other and remain silent. Yet during this silence, the viewers understand how profoundly in love they are with each other. It seems that silence is the most eloquent means of expressing love.
The young couple, on the other hand, were fighting ferociously with each other, and after so many fights , the young woman was “conquered”. She finally admitted her feelings and the two express freely their love. It was so romantic and so interesting. It was really a fairy tale, especially the young woman was the daughter of a governor and the young man was an outlaw who lives in the desert. It was a typically western type of love ; the relationship itself is interesting because they belong to two classes so vastly different.
In Vietnam, such a pairing up would be practically non existent. Usually the parents of the young woman would look for a man who seems to be desirable, either because of his status in society or because of the amount of money he or his parents own .
A young man's status, profession, salary are the main determinants for a happy marriage. Money and status would ensure their daughter a "safe and happy" life.
Next, the parents will arrange so that the young couple can meet. Usually, under the form of a dinner or gifts to the young man and to his family, the mother would normally talk to her daughter about how desirable the young man is for her.
Most Vietnamese women would pride themselves in being “a good daughter from a proper
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