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Societal Expectations on the Vietnamese Woman.

© lana lebozec

The culture of a country defines the morality for its people. The Vietnamese society has clearly spelled out its expectations on the roles of the Vietnamese woman as a daughter, as a wife and as a mother. This code of conduct strictly defines the woman's adherence to the three obediences (TAM TONG).

In growing up in the family, the daughter should obey the father.

TA.I GIA, TU`NG PHU. at home, obedience to the father

XUA^'T GIA', TU`NG PHU once married, obedience to the husband

PHU TU+ ?, TU`NG TU+? as a widow, obedience to the son (normally to the first son).

Additionally, the Vietnamese woman also strives towards a behavior, described in the rule of four virtues, as: TU+' DDU+'C

trying to be laborious or CO^NG

to remain beautiful or DUNG

to speak correctly and politely or NGO^N

to behave in a virtuous manner or HA.NH

The Vietnamese woman is expected to follow the strict adherence to the rule of obedience and to strive towards acquiring the four virtues.

In years past, it was rather the rule, and not the exception, that the Vietnamese woman should be a virgin when she gets married, should always remain faithful to her husband (regardless of his conduct) and never get remarried if her husband should pass away. Her marriage usually was arranged by her parents through the mediation of the intermediary or Ngu+o+`i la`m mo^'i. Her life should be one of self-sacrifice and self denial.

The Vietnamese woman must always show respect to the husband's family and serve the husband's parents as her own ones.

This naturally has contributed to the bias of Vietnamese parents preferring to have sons rather than daughters. With the westernization of the Vietnamese woman, who is also becoming a wage earner, the rule of conduct is less emphasized and the conflict between Vietnamese daughters and their parents is getting increasingly serious and divisive.

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