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Various Faces of Abuse

© Laura Wilkinson

There are many "classifications" of abuse. The ones that follow are simply some of the "favorites" employed by my exhusband, so I know quite a bit about them. As it turns out, many abusers utilize the same techniques. See if these sound familiar to you.

Emotional abuse: This type of abuse is the mainstay of what I am talking about. This is the abuse where he constantly tells you what a lousy job you're doing, that you are worthless. You get accused of all kinds of things, from having affairs to hiding money from him. He criticizes everything you do, and then when you change what you're doing, he criticizes THAT. Emotional abuse eats away at your self-esteem; it tears you down bit by bit, until you feel as though maybe he's actually right, and you ARE worthless. You end up feeling like you just can't make it another day. My mother called me a doormat; "Laura, you may as well just lay there and get walked on." It is a slow, steady process, that goes on day to day, year to year, until finally you've gone from being a happy, outgoing, cheerful "smile on your face" type of person, to someone who can't be bothered to even put on makeup, you don't want to get out of bed and face another day, maybe he's right, you are worthless. That's what happened to me; I was so enthusiastic about everything, looking ahead with joy and anticipation, but after fourteen years of emotional and verbal abuse, I very nearly lost the "spark" that lives within us all. It took quite some time to fan that flame back into life, but it happened! And today I am smiling again.

Financial abuse: This type of abuse varies. In some cases, he wants you to account for every single dollar, where it goes and what you bought with it. You have to present receipts for everything. This was the case with me; I had to ASK for money for the bills, then when I needed $200, he'd give me $150 and tell me to stretch it. In other cases, he might hand over his check to you, and expect you to "make it work," but in BOTH instances, somehow it seems there is just never enough money. I know people who, together, make up to $100,000 a year, but they still don't have enough money to pay their bills. That is so fascinating to me; when I left, I didn't have his income of course, but on my smaller income, with the same bills, I had money left over for "fun stuff" for my kids to do. I will never understand how that worked, and I have heard from others that the same thing happens to them.

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