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Why Don't You Just Leave?

© Laura Wilkinson

How many times have you heard it? And don't you hate to hear it! My answer is always the same: "You can't know until you've been there. So don't criticize me until you have walked in my shoes for a day."

As you well know, there is no good answer for that question. In my reading, I have come up with an explanation of sorts, along with some other thoughts and observations. As you read through them, see if you agree with them.

First of all, the biggest reason for not leaving is (surprisingly enough) not the financial one! The main reason we stay is because we are absolutely CERTAIN that sooner or later, we will hit on the one thing that will change him and turn him from a toad into a prince. Sorry ladies.. it ain't gonna happen. He has to want to change. And you know very well he doesn't think he's the problem, so why should he change? He thinks you are the problem, or your family, or your friend, or the dog. Anything and/or anyone but himself. So you may as well get it into your head that he will not change.

Now, having said that, I hope you are still with me. That's a tough one to accept, but it's the bottom line. So many times I hear "I am so weak; why CAN'T I just leave?" Well, let me say this: it takes a much stronger woman to STAY than it does to leave. And the fact that you do stay shows that you have an inner strength and a stubborn streak and huge amount of independence that many women will never know. Let me explain.

You wake up each day, knowing how it will go. You will make his favorite breakfast - at least, yesterday it was his favorite. You will wear the dress that he likes - at least, yesterday he liked it. You will do all the things that made him happy YESTERDAY, all the while wondering if they will set him off today. But, you still get up and you still try to find the one thing that will take him back to the man that you fell in love with so long ago.

Why do we do this? We do this because of our strength and our stubbornness. We hope that by changing our hair, our wardrobe, our cooking, our cleaning, our day-to-day routine, by golly we will hit on the thing that will bring him back to us. We think that we can simply persevere and find that magic something.