The Truth about Threats
Now, a funny thing happened when I did that. He simply STOPPED talking about the car! He didn't touch it. I got to thinking about it, and I realized that once the threat lost it's power over me (by telling him SURE GO AHEAD), he no longer used that threat. Oh, he found other ways to torment me, but not with that particular one!
So what I did was this: one by one, I began calling his bluff on some of his threats, basically conducting almost an experiment to see just how far I could go. And do you know, before I was done, nearly all of his threats were just so much smoke? It was amazing. He didn't threaten to burn my books after I told him that I could just get new ones - BETTER ones even! He didn't threaten to burn my clothes any more once I pointed out that I needed new clothes anyway. He no longer threatened to rip out the telephone when I told him the neighbor had already agreed to allow me use her phone. As for the big one, "I'm leaving and taking the kids with me," it was the scariest and worst gamble. I solved that one by showing him all the diapers and baby bottles and medicines and all the STUFF that he should not forget to take with him to take care of a year-old baby, a three-year old toddler, and a six-year old in kindergarten. I recently told a very dear friend whose husband is threatening to take her kids away from her that unless he can prove her unfit (such as drug or alcohol abuse, or neglect or something of that nature) there are few if any states in this country who will give the kids to the father over the mother. It just doesn't happen. Once she got past that fear, the rest is fairly easy!
The thing I'm trying to get at here is this: a bully uses his words to exert power over you. When you take away that power, he loses that weapon. He may create new ones, but stay with it and eventually you will see that he is just a scared little boy, using his threats to make you do what he wants.
If you would like to ask me about specific instances in your life, specific threats, please email me. I
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