Coping with Stalking and Stalkers - Getting Help


© Sam Vaknin

Help!
This article is meant to be a general guide to seeking and finding help. It does not contain addresses, contacts, and phone numbers. It is not specific to one state or country. Rather, it describes options and institutions which are common the world over. You should be the one to "fill in the blanks" and locate the relevant groups and agencies in your domicile.

Your first "fallback" option is your family. They are, in many cases (though by no means always) your natural allies. They can provide you with shelter, money, emotional support, and advice. Don't hesitate to call on them in times of need.

Your friends and, to a lesser extent, your colleagues and neighbours will usually lend you a sympathetic ear and will provide you with useful tips. Merely talking to them can not only ease the burden - but protect you from future abuse. Stalkers and paranoids thrive on secrecy and abhor public exposure.

Regrettably, resorting to the legal system - your next logical step - is bound to be a disappointing, disempowering, and invalidating experience. I wrote about it extensively in the essay "Pathologizing the Victim".

A 1997 Review Paper titled "Stalking (Part II) Victims' Problems With the Legal System and Therapeutic Considerations", Karen M Abrams, MD, FRCPC1, Gail Erlick Robinson, MD, DPsych, FRCPC2 note:

"Law-enforcement insensitivity toward domestic violence has already been well documented. Police often feel that, as opposed to serious crimes such as murder, domestic issues are not an appropriate police responsibility; "private" misconduct should not be subject to public intervention, and, because few cases result in successful prosecution, pursuing domestic violence complaints is ultimately futile .... This sense of futility, reinforced by the media and the courts, may be transmitted to the victim.

In cases involving ex-lovers, the police may have equal difficulty in being sympathetic to the issues involved. As in the case of Ms A, society often views stalking as a normal infatuation that will eventually resolve itself or as the actions of a rejected lover or lovesick individual, more to be empathized with than censured (2). Victims often report feeling that the police and society blame them for provoking harassment or making poor choices in relationships. Authorities may have particular difficulty understanding the woman who continues to have ambivalent feelings toward the offender ...

In terms of the laws themselves, there is a history of ineffectiveness in dealing with crimes of stalking (1,5). The nature of the offences themselves makes investigations and prosecution difficult, because surveillance and phone calls often have no witnesses. Barriers to victims using civil actions against stalkers include dangerous time delays and financial requirements. Temporary restraining orders or peace bonds have been used most commonly and are generally ineffective, partly because law-enforcement agencies have limited resources to enforce such measures. Even if caught, violators receive, at most, minimal jail time or minor monetary penalties. Sometimes the offender just waits out the short duration of the order. Persistent, obsessed stalkers are usually not deterred."

Help!
       

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Here's the follow-up discussion on this article: View all related messages

3.   Nov 28, 2005 5:35 PM
In response to Young Love posted by MKFaizi:

I have read these things and they were insightful. I reckon I was looking ...


-- posted by MKFaizi


2.   Nov 28, 2005 8:23 AM
In response to Young Love posted by MKFaizi:

Hi, MKFaizi,

You may find these resources useful:

Save for later re ...


-- posted by samvak


1.   Nov 25, 2005 5:23 PM
I wrote previously to a section that was not quite the correct subject. I am new here and am not used to the site.

My daughter became involved with a boy when she was fourteen. She did not tell me ...


-- posted by MKFaizi





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