If nothing else works, explicitly threaten to abandon him.
You can condition the threat ("If you don't do something or if you do it - I will desert you").
The narcissists perceives the following as threats of abandonment, even if they are not meant as such:
Confrontation, fundamental disagreement, and protracted criticism When completely ignored When you insist on respect for your boundaries, needs, emotions, choices, preferences When you retaliate (for instance, shout back at him). (IIc) Refuse All Contact
Be sure to maintain as much contact with your abuser as the courts, counsellors, mediators, guardians, or law enforcement officials mandate.
Do NOT contravene the decisions of the system. Work from the inside to change judgments, evaluations, or rulings - but NEVER rebel against them or ignore them. You will only turn the system against you and your interests.
But with the exception of the minimum mandated by the courts - decline any and all gratuitous contact with the narcissist.
Do not respond to his pleading, romantic, nostalgic, flattering, or threatening e-mail messages.
Return all gifts he sends you.
Refuse him entry to your premises. Do not even respond to the intercom.
Do not talk to him on the phone. Hang up the minute you hear his voice while making clear to him, in a single, polite but firm, sentence, that you are determined not to talk to him.
Do not answer his letters.
Do not visit him on special occasions, or in emergencies.
Do not respond to questions, requests, or pleas forwarded to you through third parties.
Disconnect from third parties whom you know are spying on you at his behest.
Do not discuss him with your children.
Do not gossip about him.
Do not ask him for anything, even if you are in dire need.
When you are forced to meet him, do not discuss your personal affairs - or his.
Relegate any inevitable contact with him - when and where possible - to professionals: your lawyer, or your accountant.
But is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumbs to shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive relationship?
This is the subject of the next article.
More about this topic here:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/npd
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/verb...
http://www.suite101.com/welcome.cfm/spou...
