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Of Soup, Disasters, and Carrying On

© Leda Meredith

I am writing this the day after the World Trade Center was destroyed. I live in New York City. But at the time of the catastrophe I was (and am now) safely in Switzerland on a teaching job.

My husban was supposed to fly home tomorrow. He to has been on the road, and I was looking forward having him again be my firsthand eyes and hands to deal with our hospice-situation cat, our beloved rent-delinquent apartment. But now I am waiting for his call from Germany, hoping that I can convince him to come here to Switzerland instead.

I did manage to get through on at least one out of every ten phone calls. I've arranged for cat care. The garden will have to manage as best it can.

I alternate between being fine, being shaky and teary-eyed, or scangry (scared plus angry), feeling like I could sleep for a week, or not being able to sleep at all.

I was "fine" last night when I heard the news, or at least in functional shock: trying to get phone calls through, emails, etc. It was this morning that I started to feel truly shaky. A hug from a longtime Swiss friend and student had me losing it completely, tearing up and entering class like it was an Olympic event. How could I teach? But I knew I did.

Tomorrow there will be more dancing. There will have to be, because that is still how I earn most of my living. And there will be concerned but rather unaffected Swiss students facing me wanting to know how to be better dancers. As if I cared about that right now. As if I wasn't just praying for the phone to ring. And yet, I do care, and I will teach.

Email starts to come through. One friend after another is reporting in as alive and well. But I still hold my breath waiting for the emails that haven't come yet.

Tonight I made mushroom soup. That is not a non-sequitor. In times of trouble, taking the time to cook a healthy meal, pot up a plant, clean a corner of a room; such actions are signs of hope. Depression is the twin sister of Lethargy, and both are related to such un-useful emotions as Despair and Despondency. Any signs of motivation, action, and taking care of oneself and others are bright weapons that keep those twin foes firmly outside the bolted door.

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