The Praise Of Others

If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach then the way to a woman’s heart is to praise her children. With unschoolers, or homeschoolers for that matter, you are not just praising our children, you are affirming our educational choices. Sick? Maybe, but its true.

Last night, I was the recipient of such praise. It wasn’t from a relative, which is nice but doesn’t really count unless that person has been negative about homeschooling and your wonderful child made them change their mind. This was from my son’s football coach. Football has always been one of Ethan’s passions, but he has never really played beyond throwing the ball with his dad. This year was the first year he has ever played in a league and when he began he was a bit overwhelmed by the rigors of football camp, conditioning and training. Not to mention the noise of 150 boys in one place. But, slowly, he came into his own over the last months. His tentative movements became strong and confident. He made friends and learned to be a team player. The coach complimented me in this and more, on his ability to focus and his attitude. Who my child? Focus? Needless to say I became a blithering, gushing idiot.

After I went home, still beaming with pleasure and pride, I wondered about my reaction. You see, it wasn’t just my son I was proud of, I was feeling a bit self-congratulatory as well. Tied up in all of it was my decision to homeschool him, to unschool him. Then it hit me… why did it take praise from someone else to affirm our educational choices? Was I still looking for approval from the “expert”?

I told my husband the coach’s words and watched as he glowed with quiet pride. “I thought he was doing well,” was all he said. I, too, felt simple pride in my son for his accomplishments, but underlying that was a gratitude that disturbed me with its presence. I’m happy he told me how well my son was doing… it’s nice to have your own thoughts affirmed, but what did that have to do with unschooling being the best choice for us and why would I need that anyway?

Perhaps no matter how you educate your child you will always be second guessing yourself. Even though I know unschooling is the right choice for my family, I still have doubts, as do those mothers whose children are public schooled, private schooled or those who homeschool with a curriculum. I think it comes down to the deep seeded feeling that all of your children’s actions reflect, either in a positive or negative way… on you. My son is his own person and his performance in football was his own choice and doing and he deserves the credit. Not me, not even unschooling.

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