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Do You Really Want That Kid Driving??

© Jean Hamman

A parent on one of my message boards dropped an interesting comment several days ago regarding the car she and her husband had bought for their troubled teen. She had thought that having a car would make it easier for her teen to find and keep a job and give her a bargaining chip to use in her efforts to control his poor behavior choices. These are both very good reasons and I fully understand her thinking.

A job is one place you can generally be sure that your troubled teen is behaving well. You have an 8 hour a day respite in which you know absolutely where your teen is and what they are up to. This alone is worth the price of a car note every month when you have an out of control teen. With a car, your teen has one less excuse not to work. With the carrot of a car dangled in front of his/her nose your teen might be willing to get out and LOOK for a job. If your teen gets fired or quits, refuses to follow house rules, or abuses alcohol or drugs the consequence of the behavior is simple. Take the keys and hand the kid a bus schedule. A teen certainly doesn't want their freedom jeopardized, so you envision a sudden angelic transformation.

Oh how we wish that were all true! As this message board Mom and countless others have found, supplying a troubled teen with gas powered wings is not always the boon it at first may seem. According to the NHTSA (National Highway Traffic Safety Administration), motor vehicle crashes are the leading cause of death among young people ages 15 to 27. Teen drivers are at risk for collisions because of their inexperience and immaturity and those are "normal" teens. Imagine the risks which accompany an out of control teen.

More than one-third of all deaths for people 15 to 20, result from motor vehicle crashes (Vital Statistics Mortality Data -1998, Centers For Disease Control). In 1999, more than one-third of these motor vehicle fatalities involved alcohol. Nearly two-thirds of the young motor vehicle occupant fatalities did not use a seat belt or motorcycle helmet. Having a car may make finding and keeping a job easier for your teen, but it also makes finding drugs, alcohol and parties easier too.

Using a car as a bargaining chip for good behavior only works if you are consistent and have a fool proof hiding place for the keys if you must take them away. All of us spend 24/7 wishing our troubled teens would use their brain for good rather than manipulation. If they did, they could all be research scientists. Don't take for granted that the keys you have confiscated are the only copies in existence. Don't take for granted that you won't be forced into handing over the keys to that car if your child throws a tantrum and threatens retaliation. If your child has threatened you with physical abuse or property destruction over something as small as using the computer, imagine the threats you will receive when a car is at stake.

The copyright of the article Do You Really Want That Kid Driving?? in Parenting Troubled Teens is owned by Jean Hamman. Permission to republish Do You Really Want That Kid Driving?? in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.