"Hello, This is the Police Department..."
I've heard this phone greeting twice and each time I am affected the same way. First my heart skips erratically, then my stomach drops to the floor. Always my questions are; first, "Is he alright?", and second, "What are the charges?" Car keys are grabbed and off I go to the police department to find out the rest of the story.
The first time our son was arrested we had no clue what to do. We didn't know if we needed to hire an attorney or if a Public Defender would do as well. We didn't know whether to believe our son or the police. We didn't know anything about the Juvenile Justice system. Over the next year we did not become experts in the field but we did learn how to use the system to help us find the truth and begin our son's recovery process.
Meeting with the arresting officer.
Arriving at the police department, you will be sent to meet with either the arresting officer or the Juvenile Officer, possibly both. The charges your child is facing will be explained to you. If you do not understand the charges or the possible consequences ASK. Most police officers in this situation are not looking at you as anything other than a victim, someone who has been forced into this situation due to the behavior of their child.
Most officers have great empathy toward parents and unless you become argumentative or belligerant, they will do everything they can to help you understand what your child is accused of doing. Certainly, not all police officers are like this and you may be one of the unlucky few who gets the one in a million hot shot with a God complex who sees his or her badge as a free pass for their control issues. But you can still get through such an encounter by watching what you say, remaining polite, cool headed, and calm until you can speak to a more empathetic and enlightened official. Ask questions, find out what you can, and listen. You can write down your comments and questions as to the validity of the charges later for your attorney.
Never treat the charges lightly.
Even if you feel the charges are being blown out of proportion, remember that regardless of the severity of the crime your child's behavior was criminal. If your teen sees you treating his theft of a case of beer lightly, he will continue to treat his own actions lightly, and he won't learn the lessons he needs to learn to change his behavior. The officers involved will mentally add your name to the list of parents who don't "get it" and will assume you are uninterested in learning about various local programs which might help your child avoid further brushes with the law.
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