What we didn't understand was that just as the ripples from our teen were affecting us, so was our depression and stress affecting everyone around us and our physical health. We didn't have the time or energy to devote to each other, to our younger son, our extended families or our friends. We were cranky. We were always tired. We suffered from headaches, joint aches and muscle pains. We were cranky. We alternated between constipation and diarrhea. My husband's blood pressure could have powered a few NASA launches. Did I mention we were cranky? Worse, our lack of patience, stamina and energy were affecting our ability to be consistant in parenting our teen, thus exacerbating the entire situation.
Parents of troubled teens are on the front lines of a bloody emotional war. Just like combat veterans we can develop stress related disorders. Our brains have evolved to aid us in emergencies. Signals are sent within our brains which can cause us to experience less pain and swelling when injured so that we can escape, our heart rates increase and blood is diverted to our muscles so that we can flee quickly from danger. The brain also saves the entire crisis experience to memory so that these responses will come more quickly in the future. These were invaluable traits when we were hunting, gathering and fleeing from saber toothed tigers, and they can still come in quite handy on occasion downtown. However, this very mechanism which is meant for self-preservation, can be injurous to our health over time.
Various hormones released during prolonged periods of stress can cause heart disease, decreased bone density, and affect the autoimmune system. In studies involving repeated negative experiences from which there is no escape, test subjects lose weight, and have a higher likelihood of developing ulcers and other gastro-intestinal problems, hypertension and some cancers. When a test subject is placed in this situation and cannot escape from the negative experiences, even when an escape possibility is provided, the subject does not attempt to flee. The brain has committed to memory the fact that there is no escape. In the emotional battle with our troubled teens parents often feel hopeless, that there is no way to escape the torment. After a time we cease to wonder if the torment will ever end, we simply accept our fate, opening the door for a torrent of health problems.
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