A family contract is a common and useful tool for helping promote harmony in the home. A family contract should reflect the behaviors and consequences parents have agreed uponand is not dissimilar from a lease agreement. If a teen is demanding all the rights and priveleges of adulthood, assign restrictions and penaties for forbidden actions.
Make counseling for anger management part of the contract if the teen is destructive or abusive. Do not use counseling as a consequence, but rather a behavior to be rewarded. A family contract should always stress the fact that the choices a child makes cause the consequences. Phrases like "should you choose" and "if you decide" should preface each consequence. In this way, the child is being taught that life is about the decisions made every day.
Good Behavior as the Norm
Do not offer bribes or treats for good behavior, as this is the norm. Be supportive but firm. If a child "chooses" or "decides" not to abide by the contract, respect that choice. Ask the child to clarify her decision and be firm in the consequences. Both parents should have copies of the contract and there should be no room for manipulation or argument.
Do not lose sight of the goal of teaching children how to be happy and successful at what ever they choose to do. By instituting a family contract, a parent is helping to lead her child into adulthood by giving him sound skills in managing his own apartment, career, and relationships.
Family Contracts for Teens: Eviction
If a child is over 18, the situation is slightly different. Contracts with teens over the age of 18 can also include the possibility of eviction in extreme cases, though this is what you are striving to avoid by helping him learn to modify his behavior. Finding another place to live is the choice a teen makes when he chooses to continue destructive, violent, or abusive behavior in the home.
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