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Parent/Teen Contracts

© Jean Hamman

Last week I talked about the need for teamwork between the parents of troubled teens and the importance of reaching agreement on behavioral priorities and logical consequences. I thought that this week it might be helpful to explain a bit about a very useful tool known as a Parent/Teen Contract.

Behavior Contracts come in many forms to fit a variety of needs. The organization SADD has a contract to help Teens avoid the pressures of drunk driving by placing the priority on getting home safely. Various educational organizations are now using Teacher/Student behavior contracts to assist Teachers in outlining the rules of class behavior and academic performance. Parenting organizations offer a variety of home contracts for children at all age levels.

There are several sites on the internet which can give you an automated contract, however, these do not always take into consideration the behaviors of the seriously troubled teenager. At http://www.help4teens.com/Relationships/... you will find a good example of a Parent/Teen contract, but you should use this example as your outline only. Only you know the needs of your family. Your contract should reflect the behaviors and consequences you and your spouse have agreed upon.

Another good outline for a Parent/Teen Contract is almost any Lease Agreement. Your teen is demanding all the rights and priveleges of adulthood right? Well, I don't know about you all, but as an adult I have to pay bills, pay rent or a house note, I have to take care of the property, and I cannot harrass or disturb my neighbors. These are the rules you find in Lease Agreements.

I suggest using an outline because you want your contract to look as professional as any other legal agreement your child will be asked to sign in his/her adult life. If I had it to do over again I'd have the darned thing Notarized at the courthouse too, just to impress upon my troubled teen the seriousness of the document.

Think about the consequences, do not just assign restrictions. If someone renting an apartment destroys the property they pay a monitary fine. If your child has no job, he/she can work off the damages at minimum wage. If your child refuses to work off the restrictions, you may consider selling their personal property to cover the damages, a music tape or two that you find particularly annoying might be just about enough to cover the cost of a wall patch. Make counseling for anger management part of your contract if your child is destructive or abusive. Do not use counseling as a consequence, but rather a behavior to be rewarded with continued residence in your home.