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Celeborn Unplugged

© Michael Martinez

Every now and then, someone asks me to speak up for Celeborn. He is, perhaps, the most maligned and misunderstood of Tolkien's characters. Many people consider the silver-haired Lord of Lorien to be oafish or even foolish. Why? Basically because of one sentence uttered by Galadriel. And now the sabers of rationalization begin to rattle in their sheathes. "Oh, but he doesn't actually do anything in the book!" his detractors say. Like, Galadriel gets off her royal duff and does something? Sorry. That Warg won't howl. Neither character accomplishes much in the story. They both accomplish a great deal in the background: Galadriel helps Gandalf and Celeborn helps overthrow Dol Guldur's forces. Together, they lead the Elves of Lorien. The chief complaint people seem to raise against Galadriel is to ask what she is doing with such a loser like Celeborn. Frankly, in my book, anyone who can marry a Galadriel is a winner, but that's just my opinion. Call it an interpretation of the text. Say I'm reading something into the text which isn't there. It's not like no one else has ever done that. The real problem with Celeborn is that Tolkien never made up his mind about the guy. For example, Tolkien called him "Celeborn the Wise". And people have asked "Why"? Robert Foster's only comment on the subject in The Complete Guide to Middle-earth is to say that Celeborn does not seem especially bright in The Lord of the Rings. Well, who does? Is someone going to argue that Samwise Gamgee (whose first name means "half-wit") is a paragon of intellectual development? Or how about Gimli, Dwarf-philosopher that he is, extolling the virtues of stone? The smartest character in the Fellowship, Gandalf, can't even figure out that Saruman has betrayed him. When was the last time Celeborn was captured by agents of the Enemy? Okay, maybe that's not fair to Gandalf. After all, someone has to be captured, and he is a convenient prisoner-type. He's all shifty-eyed and secretive -- it's a wonder Saruman didn't lock him up a thousand years earlier. Of course, Tolkien's definition of "Wise" seems to differ from the definitions most people use today. Tolkien didn't mean "Celeborn the Wise-guy". When the Fellowship shows up in Lorien, they aren't blind-folded, gagged, and hog-tied, thrown into the trunk of a Lincoln Town Car, driven around for three hours, and then forced to confront the surly Elf-lord in a darkened warehouse. "If youse guys think you're gonna git some help from us, youse got another ting commin' to ya! Oh, crud. Here comes da wife. Everyone pick up a harp and act ELF-like!"