Snoopy Versus the Lord of the Nazgul - Page 2
© Michael Martinez
And when it came time to rescue Minas Tirith Hagar would look out over the Pelennor Fields and give one of his rousing speeches:
"Men, the enemy controls the Pelennor Fields! They outnumber us ten to one! They're led by nine Nazgul who instill uncontrollable fear and terror in all who oppose them. It looks like Minas Tirith is burning and we'll have no help from the city. Are you with me?"
And then he looks around and the Vikings have all slunk away to find a new comic strip. Hagar would probably have better luck if Calvin and Hobbes were in the band. At least then he'd be able to lead a savage force of super zinger-class fighters against the Nazgul...until the teacher tears up Calvin's doodling paper and leaves Hagar standing alone on the field of battle with 60,000 Orcs, Haradrim, and Nazgul facing him.
Snoopy may be no Prince Valiant but he, at least, would see the quest through to the end just like the faithful Sam. Only he'd get sidetracked and try to help Hagar out of his predicament. Just as Shelob has stung Charlie Brown and the Orcs are carrying off their bundle of despair Snoopy would sense the call to battle with his ancient enemy. So he'd hop on the doghouse and start cruising just under Mordor's dark cloud.
Imagine how that bright dawn would appear as Gandalf (Peppermint Patti) and the Lord of the Nazgul are facing off at the gate to Minas Tirith. The city is crumbling around the wizard, Orcs are waiting by the legion behind the Ringwraith to enter the city, and suddenly they hear...the sound of a World War I biplane as it dive bombs the gate. They look up, see a beagle setting his sights on the Lord of the Nazgul, and the old Ringwraith takes off.
So, while Hagar and Lucky Eddie are mopping up the troops on the ground Snoopy does battle with the Lord of the Nazgul on his winged steed (whatever that thing is).
But wait, it gets worse.
Charlie wakes up in the tower of Cirith Ungol, surrounded by dead Orcs, and Lucy is there untying him. "It's gone," he says. "I've lost the secret decoder ring."
"No you haven't, you blockhead! I have the ring right here!" Lucy holds it out for him, Charlie reaches out to take it from her and...she snatches it away, Charlie tumbles down the ladder to the level below, and Lucy smiles with satisfaction as she hears a ravaged, "Aauugh!" drift up through the tower.
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