Snoopy Versus the Lord of the Nazgul

It hasn't been so long since Charles Schultz bid adieu to his longtime "Peanuts" fans, and sadly he passed away about the time his last comic strip was being published across America. "Peanuts" was one of the most-loved comic strips of all time, and I think it revealed a lot of our own inner fears and strengths. Charlie Brown was the lonesome stranger in his own way, an outcast, but a Good Guy striving to beat the odds. I used to love those "Peanuts" specials, and year after year I waited to find out who the Little Redhaired Girl was, and whether she liked Charlie, and whether Lucy would reform and let Charlie kick that football, and if Schroeder would change his mind about Lucy, and... Have you ever wondered what Middle-earth would be like if Schultz had written The Lord of the Rings? I mean, think about it. The archetypes are all there. Charlie is Frodo. Snoopy is Sam. Sally is Arwen. Schroeder is Bombadil. And maybe Linus is Aragorn and Lucy is Saruman (go with me on this -- there's no need to explain all the Freudian family connections if we just pretend they aren't there). So Gandalf (better known as Peppermint Patti) shows up on Charlie Brown's doorstep one day and says, "Chuck, I've got some bad news. That Ring your uncle gave you for your birthday? It's the Red Baron's secret decoder ring, the one he lost during the War, and he's coming back to get it." "Good grief! What can I do, Patti?" "I'm not sure, Chuck. But you might want to take it to a pal of mine who deals in lost decoder rings. His name is Pigpen. He's got all the dirt on everyone." "Pigpen? He's got all the dirt, period!" "Nevertheless, Chuck, you're in grave danger if you eat dinner with your folks tonight. Word has it the Baron has something special planned for you if he catches you at home. Get your funny-looking pal and a couple of other trustworthy kids together and meet me at the ballpark." "Well, okay. But Snoopy will probably want to bring his bird scout troop, and we'll have to put up with their singing all night long." By now you may be ready to hang me, but it gets worse, I assure you. What if instead of meeting up with Eomer and the Rohirrim Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli had met up with Hagar the Horrible and his band of Viking warriors? Instead of telling them the Orcs had been destroyed Hagar would probably report that he and his men had forgotten to bring their lunch and had to call off the battle, or, worse, their wives called them home to help with the laundry. Good-bye Merry, and Pippin. Enjoy the ride through the forest, boys.

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