Introducing Middle-earth Television Entertainment Group...
© Michael Martinez
With all the licensing deals Saul Zaentz (or his marketers) have worked out since the 1970s, I'm surprised there has been no word of any television shows drifting out of Hollywood. If there is any work of fiction which offers more ideas for stories than The Lord of the Rings, I've never heard of it. Tolkien's pseudo-history is filled with interesting characters, events, and places.
I can hear the guns cocking even now as the scaffold rises up almost magically in preparation for my hanging. But, come on, people, let's be realistic. If Peter Jackson's movies are the hit everyone expects them to be, you know Middle-earth will be the hottest topic to hit the streets in Los Angeles since, well, since ALL IN THE FAMILY proved to be a hit (I believe it still has the record for producing the most spinoffs of any television series in American entertainment). So here are my pitches. All television networks should make a note of where they saw these ideas first. Out-of-work producers who are looking for The Next Big Thing should send me email.
THE RANGER PATROL
This is an adventure show set in the wilds beyond Bree back in the days when Orcs were crawling all over Eriador in the 28th century (Bandobras Took won the Battle of Greenfields in the Shire in the year 2747). Four Dunedain travel about the countryside in sturdy carts drawn by two horses each. Both carts have a steel arbalest (heavy crossbow) mounted on back. The show revolves around long patrols and an endless series of cat-and-mouse suspense-filled encounters with various Orc companies, troll patrols, and wolf packs. They'll occasionally visit Bree itself where they'll be on good terms with Oatlaf Butterbur and his Hobbit sidekick, Slimbiz Pickwick. Slim has his ear to the door of every slimy tavern and cave between the Shire and Rivendell, and is always good for a hot tip.
THE FORNOST HILLBILLIES
Annuminas has long since been deserted and only a few backwards Dunedain are left to roam the Hills of Evendim. Then one day, while shooting at some food (with his steel bow), Gelion Mapa uncovers the lost hoard of High King Elendil. Parch Imlad (Dry Dell) from Fornost Erain signs a contract with Gelion to dig up the treasure and Gelion takes his family to live in the big city of Fornost Erain. Each episode focuses on how they get used to sophisticated life in Fornost Erain and learn a little something about what's important in life: taking care of the cement lake or wrastling up some Orc-finger stew (just a figurative name).
The copyright of the article Introducing Middle-earth Television Entertainment Group... in J.R.R. Tolkien is owned by Michael Martinez. Permission to republish Introducing Middle-earth Television Entertainment Group... in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
