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Dear Gandalf ...

Oct 1, 1999 - © Michael Martinez

alike, and one can easily form the impression that Gandalf wandered about from kingdom to kingdom during the middle of the Third Age doling out advice like a sort of roving Dear Abby. His biting wit and sarcasm would spare no king or prince who foolishly sought him out for mundane advice.
Dear Gandalf,

Rumor has it the Witch-king of Angmar is moving armies through the hills. What should we Arthedainians do? Argeleb.
Dear Argeleb,

Have you considered leaving a few barrels of hard cider out for the Orcs? You could ambush them all once they are roaring drunk. If that fails, then I suggest you send a speedy messenger to Cirdan at the Havens to see if he can spare any mariners for a land-side expedition. There's nothing an Orc loves more than a barrel of Elven hard cider. Gandalf.
Dear Gandalf,

We're having a terrible time here. A messenger arrived from Minas Anor and he had a frightful cold. Seems the whole countryside has come down with the dickens of a plague. Do you by any chance have any magic powders to aid us? Argeleb II.
Dear Argeleb,

Knew your great-grandfather, briefly. Nasty business that with the Angmarians but it turned out well in the end. As for the powders -- afraid I cannot help you. I'm fresh out having just sprinkled the last on the Men of the Southern Vales of Anduin. However, you might consider sending everyone out to the hillsides to swap stories until the whole thing blows over. Whatever you do, don't accept any more messengers from Gondor for a while! Good luck, and stay warm. Drink plenty of Miruvor! I'll be in Bree next Yuletide if there's any Bree left to be in. Gandalf.
Dear Gandalf,

We were about to attempt the recolonization of Cardolan, but now it appears evil wights have infested the ancient downs and there's no one able to stand up to them. Would you be available to lend a hand? Araval.
Dear Araval,

Sorry to hear about the new neighbors. Wights can be a pesky and troublesome lot. Unfortunately, I'm currently getting a long overdue manicure in Lothlorien and won't be available for the next hundred years or so. However, I've sent along a chap who won't mind keeping the Wights for neighbors and will do his best to see to it that the evil doesn't spread. Do you think, though,
The copyright of the article Dear Gandalf ... in J.R.R. Tolkien is owned by Michael Martinez. Permission to republish Dear Gandalf ... in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

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