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Tolkien and Null-Tolkien

© Douglas Charles Rapier

With a flurry of other enterprises occupying my time this past month, I thought to take a break from the rather heavy business of assessing JRR Tolkien's Middle-earth sagas as credible myth. I thought a more light-hearted scamper through fan-dom might be in order. What came to mind was an anecdote involving one of my non-Tolkien-entranced friends. (Yes, I have plenty of them who oblige me in what they consider my 'quirk'.)

I was chatting via email with one of my friend about some of the wonderful items in my ever-growing collection of Tolkien-LOTR memorabilia. (What can I say? Sooner or later, a conversation with me will drift to Middle-earthly matters.) I made comment about acquiring a revised edition of 'The Atlas of Middle-earth'. Being a bright, intelligent individual - despite her lack of appreciation for all-things-Tolkien - she observed that it seemed rather peculiar that there should be revisions necessary for a wholly mythical geography. What could possibly have changed in the interim between first publication and revision?

A righteous and reasonable question asked deserves a considered and thoughtful answer. So, I responded to her query. I explained that there had been much study and scholarly discussion as well as more than a bit of ranting over the geographical features of Middle-earth. I went on to say that vast amounts of verbiage have been devoted to determining an accurate depiction of this or that bend in the river or the road. Treatises have been penned regarding the exact location of landmarks mentioned only in passing in Tolkien's writings.

Carried along by my own fervor, I also explained that the typography of Middle-earth under-went cataclysmic upheaval at the end of the Second Age. I did not, however, press the matter further by attempting an explanation of how the Valar 'bent the earth' and removed the Blessed Realm to a place beyond the physical approach of Men. That would have been asking for too much forbearance from someone who had little interest in the subject. I did tell her that the debates over the geography of Middle-earth was only the 'tip of the iceberg'.

My friend ruefully responded that she should never ask questions about things like changes to mythical geography unless prepared to endure the answer. She was reminded of a cartoon in 'The New Yorker': St Peter sits at his podium before the Golden Gate between two portals - one marked 'Loved the Three Stooges' and the other marked 'Hated the Three Stooges'. She related this to Tolkien fans and non-fans saying, "The Tolkien thing is definitely a binary decision: one gets it or one doesn't get it."